Buying a house with a higher earner than me

[OhT]

I've always earnt around the same amount as ex partners I've previously lived with. This was either in my own home (owned) or a home I owned with my child's father.

I'm now buying a house with my partner. However, the house is more than I can afford. His take home is enough to pay the mortgage and some, but I am starting to worry I won't have enough money to live there. I've never experienced this before and it is unnerving. I don't know what exactly I'm worrying about though. On paper I should be better off but the mortgage is so huge it concerns me, even though I'm not paying it. I'm also worried about bills, which I'll pay, and the cost of living increasing.

1 if you are not financially certain, don't do it.

2 if you are jointly buying, are you splitting costs 50/50? And do.you have very clear legal statements regarding what happens if you split?

3 what does your dp say?

Are you married? If not I wouldn't be buying a house together without some form of legal contract in place. Particularly if you are not sure.

Are you going on the mortgage? Are you married?

The mortgage will be paid. I have no doubt about that as it is covered by guaranteed income.

I am going on the mortgage yes. We are getting married and that is booked and paid for.

We both have secure jobs and I don't worry about not having an income. I'm not really sure what I'm worried about.

You need to discuss the financial side openly with your partner.

Are you expecting to pay 50/50 for bills etc? Is he expecting you to?

Or would you paying in proportion to your income be fair and reasonable in both your eyes?

Or are you going to pool income and have joint accounts you both use?

What about in future, should you have children, how is he anticipating maternity leave and expenses will be covered? How will childcare and children's costs be covered?

You really need to talk about this stuff.

If he's very much a his money is his typebof guy and doesn't see the finances as a couple or family, I'd be wary.

I felt the same OP.

Our mortgage and bills are more than my whole wage, yet only a fraction of DH's.

I did relax once we were married and once we had things such as life insurance etc that covered the outstanding balance.

Are you paying proportionally to your earnings? Is that comfortably affordable even with future COL increases taken into account?

I bought with my now husband. I could afford the mortgage on my own if I had to. I'm very risk averse though. I've been on mumsnet for too long where the relationship has broken down and one partner can't afford the house. I didn't want that to happen.

@Ilovegoldies this is how I think. And I'm a position where I would be one of those women should the worst happen. However, I do have my own assets.

The understanding is that I'll pay the bills. He'll pay the mortgage. I can't really contribute towards the mortgage but we will own jointly. I am gaining long term from this but I do worry about struggling month to month. I hate relying on other people. I currently live in a cheap flat. Moving to a detached house. Those bills will be higher.

We won't be having any children but both have children already. We're an older couple.

You really need to start merging finances, and setting up a joint account to pay bills and mortgage out of. In your case it sounds like a proportional amount of salary from each of you is paid in. I’d use take home pay as the starting point, so if his is £5k and yours £2k, he pays in 5/7ths of the predicted cost of mortgage and bills, and you pay in2/7ths.
id be adding food and petrol and travel to this account, as these are all variable, so you buying food and utilities are different amounts each month. Mortgage payments tend to be the same every month.

this will change when you have babies, as then all money in goes to the joint account, you each get the same amount of personal spends and all costs associated with the baby comes from the joint money. Do not pay all you mat pay in, as you will have nothing left over and he won’t be paying for the time you give for having a baby

you need these discussions this weekend. Make spreadsheets and look at what it means for you both. Payslips on table time. And don’t forget to include bonuses and gifts and even inheritance.

good luck. And do not agree to him being hugely better off for personal spends than you

Just seen you have kids, so how they are paid for needs to be discussed.

Have you actually sat down and worked out what the household costs will be?

When you say you'll be paying the bills, does that include groceries? How will you cover birthdays, holidays, christmas, social occasions and leisure activities between you?

I think it would make far more sense for you to look at all the bills together, including the mortgage, and have them all going out of a shared account, that you both put a proportion of your income into to cover it all.

It just sounds like you're going for the least possible discussion, simplest division, without much reflection on whether it's actually fair or whether you'll be able to manage.

If he's the sort of guy who would watch you struggle financially and potentially go into debt to keep up with him, then you should rethink what you're doing.