Situationship Fwb ughhh

[mebythesea247]

So just need somewhere to vent ..

Have a 2year situation going on with fwb...

Started off fun, caught feelings, had the exclusive talk, happy 6months- then found out he had another girl who thought they were exclusive yada yada ...

Confronted him

He "chose me" - trust damage done but wobbled on ... as felt love forhim... enjoyed the companionship/ best sex of my life. He feels like my best friend, we laugh together like no one else, can talk about anything etc...

He talks big about future , we've met each others kids, am invested in them , we do loads of family stuff together... planning holidays, looking at houses ... serious stuff..

Last weekend i just had an intuition- so looked at his phone - not good I know - but it was enlightening to say the least...

And yea he's been on dates with an old school friend, been messaging the other girl, there are multiple numbers from girls on nights out . Another girl he's been sexying for a year ... list goes on...
And he's been telling all his mates that I don't want exclusive that I'm seeing other people - I'm not- and sending his mates screenshots of our private conversations about our relationship...

So now I am floored and totally anxious and mentally fucked. Obsessing over every and not trusting my judgement at all...

Even though I basically knew the score all along - just didn't want to admit it I guess.

So wtf do I do? I haven't said anything to him yet- just feel numb... and totally lost.

We are both single parents with no support from our ex partners. I feel so sad for our kids ... they have got attached to both of us... I care about his kids and they about me. They don't have a mum. Mine don't have a dad and have really become close to him.

I just feel gutted and now responsible for their emotional wellbeing.

I never wanted to involve kids - he pushed for that- always the one to push for more generally- always the one to make pal s and drive hours to come see me but then treats me with utter disrespect & contempt it seems. It's so confusing.

I know I need to just walk away but feel so sad that I've involved our families in this- and that I've been treated so shittily.

Ugh

Anyway don't expect much sympathy here - just wondering how in earth to untangle myself from this ... and how to ever trust again.

Please Be kind xx

You have to expect better than this. It's not good enough. You and your kids deserve more. Walk away. Don't allow yourself to be talked into staying. You'll come to realise it's the right decision. I really feel for you. It's an awful position to be in. Good luck.

Have a 2year situation going on with fwb...

So you are both free to date others.

He doesn't sound good for you OP (I'm a single mum too), so time to extracate yourself from this situation.

It will hurt but your future self will thank you. It will also give you the opportunity to meet a better man. As long as you have him in your life you are blocking anyone else coming into your life (who could give you what you want).

Your kids wouldn't want you to go through this, if they really knew what he was like, they only see the better version put on for them, depending on ages you can explain, the truth. End the constant cycle of repeating this relationship, it will only get worse not better.

You do need to end it. Aside from the emotional betrayal, he’s putting your health at risk if he’s sticking it in several people. What a slimeball. You know you deserve better. You can explain to your kids in an appropriate way why he had to go.

Since there are children involved you are going to need a straight up hard talk, explaining exactly what you have set out here.

You’re tempted to hang on to the relationship for the kids? Don’t, your child deserves a much much better role model than him. Your child deserves an honest, reliable, trustworthy father figure. Your child deserves to be parented by parents who love and trust each other.

Why are you calling it FWB/situationship when you supposedly went exclusive 6 months in and have blended families? Clearly it's a relationship, and he's cheated on you. More than once. As well as the other betrayals. He's not the man you thought he was :(

OP don't teach your children that this kind of partner is acceptable. If you tolerate this they are next.

Please don't stay. Later down the line you will regret it.

He agreed to be exclusive and he is been lying to you. That is enough for not want to be with him, regardless of how you call the relationship you are having with him. He has been lying and you don't like that.
I would end it.

Dont tell me? You help with his kids?

You walk away . He's not worth the hassle.

Took the words out of my mouth.

Thought the whole point of a FWB was its casual/not blending families etc. Having an exclusive FWB is quite common but not involving them in your kids lives.

But it’s not exclusive on his part anyway. Hes a serial liar and cheat - is that really what you want your kids to think you’re worth?

The answer is obvious - of course you kick his lying cheating arse to the herb but if you choose not to then you have to accept you’re just one of a number of shag buddies to him and keep family life away from your arrangement.

I feel so sad for our kids ... they have got attached to both of us... I care about his kids and they about me. They don't have a mum. Mine don't have a dad and have really become close to him.

This was your biggest mistake. It's done now - take the lesson and never, ever introduce someone to your children like this again.

I get it, Sometimes when you're lonely you believe what you want to believe, but you deserve better and your children certainly do.

You need to walk away, block on every platform and get your head together.

Aww thankyou for all your replies x

It was a fwb situ for a year no kids involved till a year ago when finding time to get away/ privacy became too difficult to negotiate for me and him - .

They're all teenagers 14-19 but still our kids all the same.

I just don't know how to end it without letting him know I snooped on his phone. Not something I'm proud of or have ever done before... but why I'm so bothered about that I don't know.

Just feel so confused by the way he has driven the closeness - he was always the one to push for more - he does 90% of the travelling to see me etc... we are 2hrs apart..I was happy to see him once every few weeks but he wanted to see me every week.. do more, make plans..

So why Tf was he doing that when clearly didn't want that ..

I guess that's the bit I'm struggling with the most.
And I thought he was a friend , he acts as if he respects and loves me ..

Anyway yea I've just distanced myself the last few weeks- he wanted to come this weekend but I said no..

I don't even know if I should give him the opportunity to see me again to explain/ end it in person or should I just say we're done ...
Feels so hard to let go

Dammnnnn it 😣

Should I let him know I've seen all the stuff he's been doing?

Also I wonder if I should contact one of the women who clearly thinks she is dating him exclusively... not to have a go at her but to warn her/ try to match up some dates when we did things/ he said he was doing stuff..

I think that's what's fucking with my head- looking at our messages and then seeing his messages to other women/ his friends about us which were sent minutes apart etc..

Feel so anxious and like it's deriving me mad - all I can think about ...
Or do I just Gm say we're done and I have my reasons...

Gah

I'm a self sufficient, educated person- how have I let this happen... this has shaken me so much ... my belief and trust in my own judgement/ neediness/ lack of self worth... I sound pathetic

I wouldn't be coy about him knowing you've seen his phone. How else would you have proven this to yourself and what's his counter argument, 'you should have gone along with this indefinitely despite my saying we were exclusive'?

I'd just let him know what you've seen and that you're out. No arguments. Block.

Then feel free to contact the other woman if you wish to. No obligation. It's your choice. Maybe 'hi, sorry to spring this on you but it has just come to my attention that Bob has been dating both of us and telling me at least that it was an exclusive relationship, involving each others' kids etc. we have been dating for 2 years. I am just letting you know in the interests of openness and to prevent him wasting anyone else's time. I am not looking for any trouble. Please see some messages from the time he was dating both'.

It's nothing you've done, just something lacking in him.

He can’t commit. Hence his behaviour. Helpful that you have slotted into the mum role too. I would tell him you saw the phone. You were right to look or he would have carried on risking your health. Maybe he is a sex addict??