DS said I have no friends

[SantasRubiksCube]

On the way home from the school run, youngest daughter asked if the person who let us cross the road was my friend as I had waved at them as thanks for waiting, then DS said 'mummy doesn't have any friends' and it hurt a bit as it's true. I have a couple of mum's on the school run who I say hi to, a neighbour who I occasionally chat to and people I know through family and stuff but I don't actually have any friends. I haven't had a best friend since secondary school and any other friends I've had in the years in between have been and gone, now I'm 36 and feel like I'll never actually find anyone who I can make as permanent friend. I've tried stuff in the past (online things for finding friends, exercise groups, mum and toddler groups etc) but it just never seems to work out. DH is the person I've found to have the most in common with (although we still have our differences) but I feel quite pathetic and sad that I don't have any other special people in my life.

Just meet lots of people and you will gel with some of them. Its a game of numbers really. I think probably less than 1% of the population are likely to really be compatible with any one individual on a deeply personal level, so if you don't meet hundreds, you won't meet friends.

I wrote out the names of all my closest friends recently, and the date I met them, and realised I have 2 really close friends from every decade of my life. And I have met hundreds and hundreds of people every decade, work, hobbies, school mums, and so on.

Also cant really be predicted, or forced, it happens organically, when you are being friendly to lots of "nice" people that you don't know very well, some of the friendships take root.

I thought this today, my lollipop lady has left and that's one less adult I talk to daily 😅💔

My issue is more that I do have friends, they are just hundreds of miles away with young families and jobs of their own. Ditto my family. I looked at some app for finding friends a while ago but there weren't any in my area. It's a hard one, I try to read a lot and make time for texting and phonecalls.

Could you approach other mums and do stuff together with the kids? I say this like I'm making any effort to do it... (I very rarely do)

I've tried stuff in the past (online things for finding friends, exercise groups, mum and toddler groups etc)

It really doesn’t sound as if you need a ‘meeting for coffee’ friend - what you probably want is people with whom you’re involved through a shared endeavour. You don’t mention work - if you’re a SAHM you’ll need to actively decide what you’re interested in doing and find a course or group to do it with.

Dry stone walling?
AmDram?
Sculpture?
Learning Mandarin?
Archaeology?
Environmental activism?
A choir?
A new academic qualification?
Community gardening?

Honestly it needs to be something where you all have more in common than simply wanting friends or being in possession of children. And you have to care primarily about the challenge of the activity; you’ll get to know people while you’re collaborating, rather than through awkward introductions and insignificant chat. (Trust me on this!)

Oh I wouldn't worry too much, likely he doesn't really understand what friends are! I say that because at his age I thought friends were a child thing - like parents, toys, birthday parties with games. I didn't connect different-looking adult friendships with childhood friendships. So don't worry, he just means he hasn't seen you go to a soft play party and come out clutching a party bag and wearing a hat. Don't worry x

I agree a small child may not have the same understanding of a ‘friend’ as an adult, but the OP herself feels she lacks friends, @JovialNickname. She obviously has a busy life - but maybe just lacks purposeful interaction outside her family?