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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend of 18 months keeps me secret from family, ex wife and son.

18 replies

Feelingfitter19 · 24/04/2024 23:50

My boyfriend, who until recently I see every other weekend and all through the week is an introvert who has no social life or friends he catches up with more than a couple of times a year. He's a lovely guy but recently we went abroad for a long weekend and disclosed that he told his mum and siblings he was on holiday on his own. I couldn't believe he lied and also I'm a secret. I cannot meet his 9 year old son, he says he's got to think about it. And recently we couldn't go out in town because his ex wife, who remarried 5 years ago, was out with her husband and might see us. I can't see this going anywhere although we get on really well and my friends really like him too. Just feel sad 😔 would like some advice.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 24/04/2024 23:54

My advice is to dump him as he’s treating you like a dirty little secret

Saschka · 24/04/2024 23:55

Are you sure he is actually divorced? 18months is a very long time to keep you hidden.

MFF2010 · 24/04/2024 23:55

He's not being truthful about something, doesn't matter what you're worth more than that, move on 💐

Brandyb · 24/04/2024 23:55

How long have you been seeing him?

TeaKitten · 24/04/2024 23:57

Brandyb · 24/04/2024 23:55

How long have you been seeing him?

The title of the thread is ‘my boyfriend of 18 months’

2chocolateoranges · 24/04/2024 23:57

Not for me, you deserve better.

secrets are never good especially when you are hidden from family and friends , he obviously has something to hide.

Feelingfitter19 · 24/04/2024 23:59

But I can't think what he has to hide. His ex wife has been re married for 5 years.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 25/04/2024 00:00

Feelingfitter19 · 24/04/2024 23:59

But I can't think what he has to hide. His ex wife has been re married for 5 years.

What difference does it make? He’s hiding you. He is either embarrassed of you, or more likely it’s lying to you. He will have another girlfriend on the side.

Feelingfitter19 · 25/04/2024 00:02

If I just hadn't met anyone yet it wouldn't be as bad but fancy lying to them and letting them think he went on holiday by himself. He spends his son weekends on their own in his flat and sometimes they don't leave at all.

OP posts:
Feelingfitter19 · 25/04/2024 00:04

He doesn't really have time to see anyone on the side. We were seeing each other nearly every day. I can phone whenever I want and can arrange to pop round to his whenever I like.

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 25/04/2024 00:07

He's a lovely guy but recently we went abroad for a long weekend and disclosed that he told his mum and siblings he was on holiday on his own.

OP, he's really not "a lovely guy" if he won't take you to meet his family. What is he hiding? Still married maybe... ?

Fuck him off. You deserve so much better.

Opentooffers · 25/04/2024 00:08

Don't stand for that, its ultimatum time. It would be interesting to know what his reasons are - none would be good enough. Either he amends this pronto or be done. Limerance of is exW would explain it, but that is indefensible.

FuckTheClubUp · 25/04/2024 00:08

Feelingfitter19 · 24/04/2024 23:59

But I can't think what he has to hide. His ex wife has been re married for 5 years.

Does it even matter? You either accept this, put up with it or don’t. Why do you need to be his little secret

Feelingfitter19 · 25/04/2024 00:13

I asked him if I'd ever meet his son, he talks about him so much, and said it seems as if you know this is not going anywhere, he said he'd have to think about it. I think maybe I'm being unreasonable but I'm starting to get bored of hearing all his problems and being there for him but him not having the balls to let his ex wife and find out he's met someone and is happy.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 25/04/2024 02:19

TeaKitten · 24/04/2024 23:54

My advice is to dump him as he’s treating you like a dirty little secret

Yes this.

Is he ashamed of you? Whether or not he is, or just wants to keep you from getting further into his life is irrelevant. This is no relationship for you. You are better than to become man's secret. 🌹

coxesorangepippin · 25/04/2024 02:24

Flogging a dead horse there op

Move on

Katiesaidthat · 25/04/2024 13:59

Move on, he has you down as the good enough for now girl, that´s why he isn´t telling anyone, from his point of view, why bother?
Dump him.

Feelingfitter19 · 25/04/2024 16:25

Hard to hear all of this but maybe I need to hear it 🤔

OP posts:
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