Stuck

[els1789]

I feel stuck and I’m not really enjoying life. I met my now husband and things moved fast. I moved in with him as he had a flat, we then bought a house and had a child just before lockdown. I don’t like the town he lives in, I realised very soon after and I missed my family and friends after having the baby. It’s been 5 years and although I’ve met wonderful friends, I still don’t feel at home. My husband won’t move, he doesn’t want to. My parents have now moved to be near my sibling and further away from me. I’m with my kids all the time and now (we have 2) I’m getting more angry than usual, more run down than ever before and I’m just wondering what’s next. Is this it and am I always going to feel this way. I should be grateful, but this isn’t what how I imagined my life.

Does your husband pull his weight with the children? Would going back to work be an option for you?

Yes, when he is here he does, but he works long hours in London. I work 15 hours a week but I squeeze it in between school/nursery and it’s only me who does pick ups and drop off so I feel drained. Even if it’s great to get out and work, I don’t earn anything because childcare is expensive. I just do it for me.

I think you need to talk to him about how to redress the balance. It might be moving, it might him adjusting his working days or hours, it might be you getting more support etc. You need to address it together or this will fester and get worse. Good luck OP, it's very hard to manage having opposing views but hopefully you will find a way.

Thats tough OP. What do you mean you don't earn cos childcare? Do you both cover that relative to your wages?

If you are paying that much of your earnings for childcare, then have a chat with Women's Aid. They should be able to help you to get advice and support.

The childcare costs is exactly the same as what I earn, so as a family we are no better off than what I earn combined. I’m just doing it for me to have something of my own really but we don’t get any financial gain from me working.

Thank you I will look at this.

Thank you for your lovely message. I’ve tried all of those things and the only thing he will suggest is me giving up work so I have a couple of days off to myself. I’m worried that although that sounds lovely, would I feel even more alone just at the house doing housework etc.

You are better off in work than staying at home - later on when you want to return to work it can be harder if you have been a SAHM. Its also easier to find a new job if you are already in work.