Visibly disappointed on first dates

[BlastedPimples]

So I have nice photos on my OLD profile. They're within the last three years. Holiday snaps so I look tanned and relaxed and happy.

I'm not photogenic really most of the time so I have to be very selective.

Anyway, when I meet men, they are disappointed when they first see me. It's just a slight fade of smile or a comment about how great my photos are.

Should I put on photos that are less flattering? I don't use filters or anything.

I think the key is to choose 'nice' photos, but not ones where you look like a different person.
I know that if I take photos from certain angles and lighting it doesn't actually look like 'me' so I would avoid putting those up.

Well, they look like me. Just me at my best I suppose.

Have you got a friend who would be honest with you about the photos?

Do the dates never turn into anything more?

People can change a lot in 3 years. 1 year max on photos. And ones that look like the real you not the best you.

Sorry to be brutal but have you deliberately chosen slimming pics? (I've done this early on in dating, it was acknowledged in a very nice way by a man I ended up dating for a bit so people do notice even if they like your current figure).

I'd go for something a bit more recent and representative than you at your absolute best. Or keep the holiday ones and add some more current/ everyday.

No. I'm slim. Don't need slimming photos. I suppose everyone looks great with a tan though.

I will look for less flattering photos. I expect I will get fewer dates though!

Yeah, but not a lot of point to a whole lot of dates who are going to

I think using pictures that are up to 3 years old are too old. I wouldn’t call a 3 year old picture recent.

I expect pics on profiles to be no more then 6 months old really.

If you never have a tan in your day to day life either then I don’t think putting tanned pictures up either is going to help.

Go with realistic pictures of what you look like normally, not tanned holiday shots.

I’d suggest using candid photos someone else has taken of you.
Photos I take of myself look far more flattering than any my friends take of me when I’m not posing. But the ones my friends take that I’m in are how I really look.
When dh sit across from each other at dinner he’s not seeing me as I am in my selfies, he’s seeing me in a more natural candid way. Just more realistic I suppose.

All that aside people should surely be able to look past a photo and get to know you. A bit like buying a house. They can style it up all they like, I’m not really interested in the surface level - I want to know what the scope and potential is!

What are you wearing on the dates? Could that be it?

Lol, I'm so not photogenic, so I used to get the opposite and everyone seemed pleasantly surprised in person as I'm much better in the flesh. Somewhere there is a happy medim to strike.

To be honest, despite all the time people spend looking in mirrors / taking selfies, I don't think many have a very accurate idea of what they look like. More of an 'ideal' one as that's possible to curate these days. You could always put up a mix of your best pics and a few where you look a bit less posed/ from more natural angle.

When I dipped my toe into OLD a few years ago, there was a video function - it's a shame it's so cringey to use it, and barely anyone does, as it would be the perfect way to really see someone.

IME the people I wasn't sure about, I focused in on their one really good pic - convinced myself that was them - and was always disappointed (well the 3 dates I went on!) - they were all the 'other pics' in real life.

Ask a friend to give you some honest feedback on the pics. Good luck :)

I think you should use recent photos from last few months only.

I remember an online date with someone who had clearly very very carefully selected his photos and some of them were not recent. He looked nothing like what I expected! I couldn't get past it (plus he had missed a few other key details, like the fact he had a kid!) so there was no second date.

I used to post a couple of photos where I looked my best and a couple of photos where I looked okay and just more normal for me. I felt that was realistic and it made me feel more comfortable when meeting somebody.

3 year old pics aren't recent and a tan wouldn't make a difference so it's obviously not that..

3 years is too long

should be within the last year max

my dating profile before I got married included no make up pics and pictures of me doing sport.

i think you will do better generally if you have a variety of pics, not just tanned, dressed up for dinner holiday pics. looks more authentic .

No more than one dressed up photo, and at least one makeup free. The others could be kind of how you look on an average Saturday in the supermarket, that kind of thing. And lead with an average photo. It is about numbers, but it’s also about attracting the right kind of men. You don’t want the ones who will expect you to dress up to the nines every day if you are not that sort of person. You want the kind of man who thinks you look fine in the checkout queue, and is happy to be with you.

I put up ones taken within the last few days and one a month old at most, no make up in a couple.
How are your teeth?

When I was dating, I chose photos that weren't my best but showed personality. I'd much rather be told I looked better in real life than being told I was "photogenic" or see a disappointed look!

Just put some fake tan on before the date

When I used to use online dating I would take pictures from no later than 3 months and for safety no pictures that would be on my social media. Always 3 pics a going out pic a relaxed one of me in an outside location and full length body picture and would never meet without a video call before.