Am I going mad? I need some outside advice!

[ThatNaiceUser]

All, I need some advice as I feel like I'm going mad!

Just for context, DH and I have been together for 6 years and married for 5. We have a 4YO DC.

DH and I have been having some problems, which completely blew up a couple of months ago. The initial intention was that we were going to split up but we decided that we wanted to try and make it work.

DH has some major trust/jealousy issues, which wasn't helped when I lied about getting an eyebrow wax a few weeks ago (I said that I was at home, working). I apologised, explained that I thought he would "tell me off" for not working when I should've been (which he's done before) and assured him that I would just be honest in future.

Fast forward to now and I feel like I'm losing my mind - he will NOT stop talking about our marriage, how he hopes it "gets back to how things were", how we both need to make effort, he's worried I'm just going to leave with DC, he's forever asking what I'm doing and is constantly telling me that I seem off/distant etc.

I've been trying to make more effort and reassure him that we will be fine and nothing is perfect but it doesn't seem like enough. He's telling me that "actions speak louder than words" - I've asked what he specifically means by this, he's said he shouldn't need to tell me?

Should I be making more effort in some way? AIBU?

He’s being awful. No wonder you wanted to split. He’s gaslighting you into believing it’s all your fault. Things will only get worse.

Ny telling a small fib, he now feels he has the upper hand.

Dump him.

Theres no reason to tell another adult when you are! DH doesn’t ask and I doubt it even comes up in conversation.

He's being a prick. Either he tells you what's on his mind or he doesn't, and if he doesn't, how are you to know what he's thinking? He is doing all this to mess with your head and put you on the back foot.

Tell him you are not in possession of a crystal ball.

He sounds insecure and controlling. Maybe some form of relationship counselling might help?

Has he always been like this?
I couldn't live with this

If I were worried about being "told off" for not doing my work as though I were some schoolgirl. I'd really question whether I wanted to be in the relationship at all.

Tell him that he needs to get some counselling or he needs to leave.

What else have you had to explain/justify? To feel the need to tell a little white lie about having your eyebrows done seems nuts.
Having to promise you'll be honest/truthful next time ... you're an adult with a husband; not a child with a concerned father.

What effort is he putting into keep your relationship alive & healthy? He can't surely be expecting it all from you? Him hoping things could return to the way it was when you were first married? Back when you were so loved up with your new husband you didn't want to do anything to disrespect his feelings ...

I'm sorry OP, this does sound hard to live with.
Insecure men rarely change, controlling men never change. I'm not saying LTB but just know,
this doesn't have to be the rest of your life.

You had to lie in order to get your eyebrows waxed?.

Do not enter into any form of joint counselling with such a man. You are not emotionally safe enough to enter into any such counselling with him. This is his issue and not at all yours to deal with. Abuse is not a relationship problem.

Would you want your DD to be in a relationship like this?. No you would not. Well you should not be in such a relationship like described either.

He needs constant reassurance from you that it will be ok yet, is unable to communicate with you what his problem actually is. How does he actually see this relationship working if he won't communicate with you. Your not bloody psychic. Is he actually doing anything to try and make this work or is it all on you?

My first issue is why do you feel the need to lie to get your eyebrows done? The rest just confirms really.