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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unknown Half Sibling for Years Discovered

18 replies

RCSM · 23/04/2024 12:46

I thought there might be some assembled wisdom, thoughts etc here or even a family lawyer??

I recently discovered that I have a half sibling, living on the other side of the world, and HS only found out a year or so before I. HS was born a couple of years before me and now we are both heading towards latter decades.
A step relation, SR, with same Grandfather as I, had an Ancestry DNA test a good few years ago for a family tree research hobby and the results lay dormant on the database.

HS was told by an elder sibling, No 4 and 5/6 years older, that HS biological father was not the familial father. Older S3 is still alive as well, S1 and S2 have departed. S4 told HS that father was called ABC. HS managed to piece together from the family photo albums and records etc that indeed there had been a chap called ABC in their life in the years before HS was born. They were all living abroad at the time. HS then had an Ancestry DNA test and the database system matched up SR and HS. The circumstantial evidence is pretty solid I think, and the DNA test match then makes it pretty conclusive.
I think this is all rather late in the day and HS parents and grand parents, who all clearly knew due to geography, absences and timings, should have fessed up many years ago. However, notwithstanding all that, we have been in touch by email and Zoom.
I had a Sister who tragically died a few years after my Father, now decades ago.

My Father's will had these clauses:

"His whole interest in the matrimonial home passed to my Mother" And a good proportion/all of the 2 matrimonial homes had been funded anyway by my Mother's inheritance, an only child, from her Father.

"I give to each of my children the sum of £X pounds."

"The executors shall hold the residue of my estate on trust for the lifetime of my Mother. Then to divide the capital equally to my children who survive me."

So when my Mother departed a few years ago, all the residue passed to me as S had departed many years ago.
A friend was in a similar situation a few years back and the advice was "treat her as your Father would have". Others who I have tried to discuss with, including SR, have just avoided the topic. I am sure his will would have included any number of children. Perhaps he had an inkling to choose those words??

I don't know that either my Father or Mother knew about HS. They only met at the earliest around the time HS was born, and were married a year or so later. I and HS don't even know the circumstances of my Father/HS Mother involvement - whether an affair or a drunken party 1 night stand.
I haven't found any "open in the event of" envelope in the family box of records.

So I guess, legally I should follow the terms of my Father's will and give HS £X and half share of the residue. I don't think there is any possible claim on the matrimonial home as the funds had largely come from Mother.
Morally, I think follow the will is the correct course of action. Which would just leave me where I would have been if my Sister was alive. I guess I should take a DNA test just to check everything.

I look forward to some comments.

  • [Message from MNHQ: Title and posts edited at OP's request. Originally said 'step sibling' - OP meant to say 'half sibling' so we've edited the thread accordingly.]
OP posts:
BeesForHoney · 23/04/2024 12:53

Is this an older half sibling through your genetic father you are talking about?

If so they are not a step sibling but a half brother/sister?

If so, yes, they are one of your father's children and should have their share, same as you.

memyselfi · 23/04/2024 14:35

It's very confusing that you use the word 'step'.
Words are important.
I also have half siblings, one that knows of me and one that probably doesn't .
You know what's right .

Bumblebeeinatree · 23/04/2024 14:40

Were they adopted into the family they were brought up in (ie, their step father), if so they do not inherit.

Notreat · 23/04/2024 14:41

I am also confused do you mean someone who shares a parent with you? So a half sibling or do you mean a step sibling -a child of your step parent?
If they are your father's child they are not a step sibling and then yes they should have a share.

Shybutnotretiring · 23/04/2024 14:46

I think Bumblebeeinatree is right but there could also be limitation issues. You really need a good wills and probate solicitor.

RCSM · 23/04/2024 14:47

You are all quite correct - Half Sibling!! Doesn't appear to be an edit function.

OP posts:
PleaseletitbeSpring · 23/04/2024 14:47

A step sibling isn't biologicallly related to you. I'm finding your post hard to follow. Perhaps you could clarify.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2024 14:48

There's a couple of these half-siblings in my family. The right thing to do, and the one that means you get to have a relationship of sorts going forward, is to acknowledge their relationship to you. Which in this case means honouring the Will.

A couple of people in my family have acted horribly towards the half-siblings. Not only damages their relationships with the newly discovered sibling, but also with the rest of the family because it's awful.

MaryBethMayfair · 23/04/2024 14:50

Has the newly found relation brought up the inheritance? I wouldn't be willingly giving them any money, especially decades down the line (if that's the correct time frame that I took from your OP).

Personally, I think it's madness to even consider it. If they were pushing for it, I'd be arguing that all this time later, it's no longer your dads money but your own. You can't be expected to hold on to funds eternally in case secret middle aged love children come out of the woodwork.

I suppose if you feel a moral obligation I could just about understand this urge but if you have your own children or relatives, you are taking away from them to give to a virtual stranger.

Nicebloomers · 23/04/2024 14:54

If your father passed a long time ago then inheritance was also settled a long time ago. What if another half sibling pops up? Then another? I doubt your new found half sister will be interested in inheritance from a man who might not have even known she existed.

Aworldofmyown · 23/04/2024 14:55

Has this sibling actually asked for inheritance?

RCSM · 23/04/2024 16:10

Very sorry for the confusion. I confirm Half Sibling. And if a moderator can edit the topic to remove the confusion, that would be great - replace Step with Half throughout.

And yes decades have passed.
No, we haven't mentioned inheritance and I don't have any children. Nearest relations are the step relations from Grandfather's second wife, after first died.
But HS could have easily got a copy of the will from the UK probate service. HS was born in UK and HS siblings are still here, so pretty easy to track down for £1.50.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 23/04/2024 16:14

I wouldn’t be sharing a thing. This is a secret sibling that no of knew about, including you and the sibling. if it hadn’t been for online DNA kits etc then the secret sibling would never have found out they had a different dad.

I wouldn’t be looking for any hidden meaning behind words in your fathers will, it just sounds like generic will writing.

the will has long since been read and distributed, as another poster said, what if another sibling pops up in the future?

RCSM · 24/04/2024 07:28

Thanks everyone and much head clearing from your comments. I should add I am the co-executor of my Mother's estate and presumably by extension, as she was a co-executor of Father's estate, I'm legally responsible for ensuring the final terms of my Father's will are met. So, I have a way ahead.

OP posts:
KathieFerrars · 24/04/2024 07:37

I think a lot of time has passed since your father died and therefore the particulars of his will were carried out in good faith at the time. As the HS hasn't brought this up, I would keep quiet. After all, that money could have been spent on world cruises, another house, sex, drugs and rock and roll - whatever and thus no longer be available.

Your father may not have known that he fathered another child. Clearly the family were not shouting about it so the benefit to the HS is to have found another family. I think it could morally be an idea to leave in your will something for HS and/or HS's children. I think that would be fair.

RCSM · 24/04/2024 11:04

I'll chat with the other Executor and family solicitors who assisted with both my Father's and Mother's wills. The more I think about, I am quite content to settle up - and it would be a very lovely surprise.

OP posts:
PBandJ111 · 24/04/2024 13:15

Presumably your father had nothing to do with the half sibling and didn’t recognise his existence? In which case, keep the money.

RCSM · 24/04/2024 18:40

Yup - one can't have 2 fathers on a birth certificate. Familial dad is named, mine isn't.

OP posts:
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