My good friend is in a highly toxic & controlling marriage. She wanted to leave but has lifelong epilepsy & has episodes frequently , often requiring an ambulance after injuring herself. She is unemployable due to these issues & relies on her dh to care for her. She doesn't want to lose the house or lifestyle she has, just wants her dh to leave but keep paying the bills, which he never will. Even her dc have given up now & gone nc. After 20+ years as friends, I am now tired of the situation. I can't forget all the terrible things she's told me about what goes on in private, yet she wants me to go along with 'it's all ok'. She is losing/has lost most of herself. Our conversation when we meet only revolves around what he's doing/buying/choosing. She's in her late 60s. I don't believe she will ever build up to leaving again after her last attempt stressed her so much she had a massive seizure. She has no income & is not safe to live independently. She has no family she could move in with.
What would you do to improve this friendship? How can I change how I feel about it? I don't even go round for coffee any more because I hate the household atmosphere. I really feel for her because it's not her fault she has epilepsy and she has few friends because of it. But I hate this never-ending toxic dynamic.