My alcoholic father and my child

[ShyGreyFinch]

I was wondering if anyone is in a similar position, my alcoholic father and me don't have a good relationship but I've just had a baby and he wants to be involved in my sons life but I'm really struggling with this. He doesn't drink when he visits but I still find it hard to try help them have this grandad grandson relationship when I have zero relationship with my dad. There's a lot of things that I've never forgiven my dad for and I don't want him around my son but don't know what to do without causing chaos in the family!

Your dad lost any right to your son when he neglected you. If you don’t want him near then don’t let him near?

Your first duty is to your son, not your dad. It's not about what your dad wants.

Contact Al-Anon, which is a support network for those who have someone in their lives where alcohol is a problem.

The link is below. You can also attend online meetings

al-anonuk.org.uk/

What he wants and what he gets are two different things. You are the parent to your son, so you get to choose the adults you deem suitable to build a relationship with him. And an alcoholic who you have 'zero relationship' with doesn't sound great.
And funny how you're already seeing yourself as the problem with talk of causing chaos. I'm the child of an alcoholic and in my experience they are excellent at causing chaos and then abdicating themselves of any responsibility.
Fuck that. Protect your son and stop pandering to your twat of a dad.

Nope. He doesn't get to have a relationship with your son without having one with you first.

He made his bed, now he can lie in it.

Good God NO. Sod the rest of the family what they think is appropriate for their children is their choice. Alcoholic thinking and behaviour does not change being dry a few hours. He didn't sober up for you, he won't with his grandchildren.

Both my parents were alcoholic.
Bad parents=bad grandparents, nip it in the bud now.