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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My dh threw his wedding ring at me last night !!

32 replies

angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 13:29

What does this mean, talked for abiut 3 hours till 1 in the morning which ended with him throwing it at me ???

OP posts:
Irisheyes78 · 01/04/2008 13:33

Hard to answer. What was the talk about?

FluffyMummy123 · 01/04/2008 13:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 13:36

about how we could carry on together, we both said things that have never been said before and have realsised we have major trust issues. He doesnt trust me !! ( snow white !) because one of my friends knew what colour my knickers were ! ( they were new from anne summers i only showed her the side to see colour) She told her boyf and he told my dh ( dp at the time ) this happened two years ago, i cant believe he doesnt trust me !!

OP posts:
Harrybee · 01/04/2008 13:45

There are clearly issues here, have you though about getting professional advice?

GooseyLoosey · 01/04/2008 13:47

I cannot believe this alone would be enough to undermine his trust in you. I would suggest that there must be other issues, either things that have bothered him and he is not saying (whether they are reasonable or not) or issues he has personally.

What did you take it to mean at the time?

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 17:29

we had talked about lots of things that had been going on in our relationshio not all good

OP posts:
BetteNoir · 01/04/2008 17:33

If my DH threw his wedding ring at me, I would assume he no longer wanted to be married to me.

Although he wouldn't throw anything at me.

He is a grown up.

And if your DH doesn't trust you because your best friend knows what colour underwear you have, then you really do have a lot of work to do on your relationship.

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 20:07

hes just texted me asking what i want to do about our marriage,

OP posts:
Original poster
angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 20:12

i think this has been brewing for a while, but we actually talked propoerly last night, he has to travel a lot so is not here atm i was feeling resentful to him for putting his other stuff before me so i thought it was about time we talked. Only for him to do this, I dont know why something that happened two years ago is still bugging him. AIBU to think that this is a trivual matter or is it something major??

OP posts:
Original poster
angiebaby78 · 01/04/2008 20:13

sorry about spelling !

OP posts:
littlewoman · 01/04/2008 23:25

It's obviously something major to him. does he have abandonment fears, do you think?

fireflytoo · 01/04/2008 23:27

First thing...tell him you are not willing to discuss anything as important as your marriage on a mobile phone text service.

Then make an appointment with Relate.

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 08:24

He just wants to bury his head in the sand about the problems inour marriage, i have been feeling really down lately and unsupported by him, he has a daughter who has been causing major problems , she lives with his mum, he has to go and deal with the problems she causes. (she is 17) I know his children come befor me, mine would come before him. I just dont see the point in being married to him if he is not here, he obviously has a major trust issue with me. Its only now whne i look back that i realise that he has been manipulating me for a while, He always talks me out of doing anything about our relationship. I have said before about councelling but hes not interested. Does this show how much he really cares aboutme? I just feel like i am here on my own with 3 dcs, and expected to keep the house clean and the bed warm for when he is able to visit . I am reaaly in two minds as to what to do. I dont know if i am just hanging on for no good reason , only the fact that i dont want to be seen as having a failed marriage. ?? Sorry to rant but i dont know what to do .

OP posts:
lizziemun · 02/04/2008 09:41

I think you need to go to relate whether he goes with you or you ge by yourself, if only to help yo sort out what you want to do from now on.

I have asked why he is not interested in going for councelling he needs to understand that he has to put in some work into saving your relationship.

DH threw his wedding ring at me once (before we had children) he had been drinking beer allday then switched to whisky. I can't even remember why he did it. But i took it and when i got up the next day i went to my mums for the day taking the ring with me and didn't come home until late. He had been tearing the house apart trying to find his ring (he didn't remember throwing it at me). I gave him his ring back and told him if he ever did that again i would be out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

littlewoman · 02/04/2008 10:40

Just a thought - do you think he had problems trusting his xp? Did she cheat on him, to make him this distrustful of women? Or did his mum cheat on his dad? Sorry to pry.

littlewoman · 02/04/2008 10:44

I agree with Lizziemun, too. You should see a counsellor, even if it's on your own. It's very important to understand how you feel about this, and they will help you unravel your thoughts. You can see your doctor about visiting a counsellor, I think. They're often free.

BBBee · 02/04/2008 10:46

well it could means lots of things - depends if he is prone to the dramatic.

My DP threw his wedding ring into a canal in Holland during an arguement. Luckily it was cheap. It has not been replaced.

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 13:14

His first gfriend cheated on him ( mum of daughter mentioned) he always suspects everytihng. He even checks my mobile !!! I spoke to him this morning at his mums house, he didnt mention anything about the ring incident. How can i go for councelling by myself ?? We have a dc together, but i dont think she needs to be surrounded by the resentment .

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Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 14:21

Why doesnt he understand how shit i feel , i have to explain everything to him , keep tabs on myself. HE has recently been away fro three weeks ( to sort out dd) when he came back one of the comments during our discussion was, well i dont know what youve been up to !! I have 3 dcs for gods sake i dont have time to pee never mind seduce the postman !! PLeas give me some advice on what to do .The councelling thing isnt really gonna happen. WOuld you stay with him or bale out ???

OP posts:
BBBee · 02/04/2008 14:43

couselling on your own will help you get a bit of clarity and sort your thoughts out - I would really recommend it is you can go - you will be helped to see what you are thinking and saying.

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 20:02

he keeps bloody texting me asking me what i want to do ??? Just feels like he is driving me into a corner, no other escape route, what do i do ??

OP posts:
FAWKEOFF · 02/04/2008 20:22

hi angie x

you have to think about the big picture here
he is controlling every aspect of your life and invading your privacy. Is this the kind of marriage you want to stay in if thins don't change for you????
He is taking past experiences out on you and it's not fair. He cant expect you to carry on taking his shit all your life....you will regret wasting it if things dont change

Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 20:38

Thank god some one is out there, he has been texting me non stop for the last hour, I just told him ( via text i knoow its bad but it needed saying) that we are finished. Why can a man be such an arse hole and yet leave me here bloody crying. Am i a failure ??

OP posts:
Original poster
angiebaby78 · 02/04/2008 20:42

Now hes sending me bloody poetry oh god what did i do to deserve this i cant cope any more .

OP posts:
FAWKEOFF · 02/04/2008 20:45

hi angie x

you have to think about the big picture here
he is controlling every aspect of your life and invading your privacy. Is this the kind of marriage you want to stay in if thins don't change for you????
He is taking past experiences out on you and it's not fair. He cant expect you to carry on taking his shit all your life....you will regret wasting it if things dont change

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