Where to meet single men in mid-30s?

[Firefretted]

I'm in my mid-30s and have recently moved to a new city where I don't know anyone. I do OLD and will continue to do so but tbh would prefer for something to develop more organically with someone. So I've also been throwing myself into hobbies and trying lots of new things but... I'm often the youngest person there by far. Or everyone's female! I think my interests are typically more associated with an older demographic (e.g. art appreciation courses) but even when I deliberately try things I think will attract a younger crowd I seem to find myself surrounded by people in their 50s-80s. I went to a writing workshop focusing on quite a niche subculture and was really surprised to find that I was the only non-retiree there. All lovely but I'd like to meet others at a similar stage of life. Where are the 30 something professional men hanging out? The only place I really see any is the gym and nobody seems to talk to anybody else there :-s Any suggestions? I'm childfree by choice so no urgency on that score but I'd really love a meaningful relationship. My work is entirely remote so no options there and sadly, for medical reasons I can't drink anything but water so starting to frequent beer festivals is not an option lol.

Comedy clubs and cheap gigs.

Midweek comedy can be £5 a ticket so I don't mind paying for a friend to come along. And pub gigs, up to £20. You see new bands, get out there and men are always happy to chat to a young lady on her own.

Join the club...quite contentedly single and childfree so no massive rush.

But thinking I wouldn't mind opening up some options. Had a bit of nun mode for last couple years focussing on work and family and glowing up.

Had a whizz around the apps and honestly they are absolutely dire....I'm certainly not going to lie about my age to get someone better.

(although yeh yeh I am one of those arrogant women who think I look younger obviously get ID'd ;-))

However, there really is absolutely no-one normal or decent and I don't want to run the gauntlet of weird rude people and flakes (this may be also down to my current resilience levels, of course!).

Agree also about events often being oversaturated with older people (even ones directed at 30 somethings seem to have a lot of men who...erm...have stepped into a 20 years plus time loop)

Or international people new to town so cool people but not really social or dating prospects as there isn't that much common cultural ground, and they're mainly trying to learn the basics and get established!

Or "difficult " people struggling with social skills ..

Again, everyone has to have a chance to get out there, and I'm more than happy to chat for an evening to someone awkward - But not really that useful for dating or introductions!

Overall I'm trying to bite the bullet and just try a few light things ..I've started local "Shut up and Write" for work, going to events which broadly align with my interests (eg I'm not a mountain biker or canoer so I'm not going to start just for men) BUT may have some men there.

My strategy is just going to be to scrub up ok, slowly build up networks and not overdo things too much

Definitely practice self-care as a lot of the people out there "in the wild" can be a bit emotionally difficult!

I think it isn't necessarily spotting Mr Right on the first meetup (I'd have to fight my way to him given the F/M ratio at some events) but just building those social networks up a bit.

If something occurs, good, but not trying too hard and if an event or a person is a dead end or difficult just cut it out straight away.

Many groups can be initially clichey or difficult (especially if open access) so sift through, see if there's anyone aligned with me, then move on.

I would say very few (normal) men would ask a woman out "on sight" who wasn't within some sort of social network? Unless they are desperate or creepy.

I personally can't stand the ups and downs of social group dynamics...love that I'm hopefully WFH indefinitely.

However, I think some sort of small initial connection (however loose) is often needed.

Oddly enough I "should" have access to a lot of people through work, but most are not my type or creepy marrieds looking for a third wife!

Since your question is about mid 30s professional men, they are either in relationships or not looking for anything serious at this stage of their lives. More importantly - there are simply not enough of them for all of the professional 30s women. Jon Birger’s books are spot on this topic.

I was in a similar position when I was mid 30s and unfortunately even ten years later haven’t been able to meet anyone falling within that category. So I think you may want to expand beyond what you consider “professional” men.

As someone who has done everything from writing to art to language classes to wine tasting/courses to golf and any form of exercise the only places where there would be the occasional single man were sports related. I am really not musical so haven’t tried choir and festivals which are probably viable options to try if you are into music.

These are really good ideas, thanks!

Bleak but possibly accurate. I'll check out the Jon Birger book, thanks. More sports stuff seems like a good idea.

Participating in or watching sport are the obvious ones. Running or cycling clubs are your best bet. Lots play golf too, though there's less mixing of the sexes. Walking groups too, provided they're specifically pitched at younger people.

Rugby and football crowds are predominantly male too.

And pubs in the nicer parts of town.

Of course this is accurate. You don't need a book to see it. Look around... Women are more numerous in this demographic, and many chose to spend their golden dating years having fun. There's nothing wrong in that, however there's a price.

Seems the situation implodes, women are thrashing men in university admissions, and women want equality. This is good however, equality means men must earn less. Expect fewer men deemed marriage-material et al.

Working-class men are not getting married, their women earn the same or more. Those women have no reason to want working-class men, they also want professional men. Something has to give.

Either women must date-down (unlikely) or expect the bottom tier of men and women to stay single.

Should we Boss-babe so close to the sun?

The all sounds very classest to me. There's nothing wrong with a 'working class man' I know several that are bringing in over £100k per year. They are decent men who want the same things as most people.

My H is definitely upper middle class, I'm not as I'm from across the pond. We don't do class in the same way. We both work hard. He is in a working class profession which he has worked his way up the ladder over the years and is doing very well. But at one time was on just over min wage. It was the person who I fell for not his bank balance or his degree or lack thereof.

We met online. And, it wasn't a dating site. Completely out of the blue and struck up a friendship. Things moved from there.

In my circle of friends who are single and newly single it's a mix between doing OLD and trying to meet someone organically. Speaking to ppl there does seem to be a shift for both men and women who are moving away from OLD. One has a second date coming up with a woman he randomly started chatting to in the natural history museum.

My advice would be to not limit yourself. You never know who you're going to meet.

Lots of men of all ages run, cycle and do triathlon, so if there's a local club for any of those things you're likely to meet plenty of men. And YY to things in pubs - quizzes, live music, watching footie, anything like that.

My comment wasn't about something wrong with a 'working class man'. As a general rule, women expect to date UP. They expect their men to date DOWN.

There's a supply shortage. See it on the dating apps, 10% of the men get 80% of the women. "Where have all the good men gone?" etc.

This is incel, red pill shite and bears no relation to reality.

and many chose to spend their golden dating years having fun. There's nothing wrong in that, however there's a price

More incel, red pill shite.

(And you're using the word "golden" which usually means older and retired, very weirdly ...instead of the word "peak" because you know you'll get a bad response on here.

Can you do parkrun, start volunteering sometimes and that way you can get chatting to people without the commitment of going to the same place every week?

Online dating isn’t as bleak as people are making out. In my mid-30s I was using tinder and went on some dates with some lovely men. I dated one for a while and actually it was a man that I got to know through the friendship group I met in that relationship that I ended up marrying. The trick is not to invest yourself in anything too much. Be a snob and swipe left on anyone with something you find undesirable (e.g for me it was tattoos, pics of their car, topless gym selfies or any type of selfie really!). Just stop talking to them if any red flags or things that make you a bad match appear in the chat. Meet quickly (within a week or 2 of chatting) and only for a coffee at first. I had some very fun first dates involving alcohol only to discover that they were boring without it).

Judging by their interests on dating apps, it's golf, cycling, tattoos, rugby, dogs 🤣

Sports club, if there's anything at all you fancy trying. But it has to be something you want to do

If you only want v gentle stuff, and would be attracted to a sense of community and volunteering, try
GoodGym - Do Good, Get Fit | GoodGym - Do Good, Get Fit

Parkrun is a good shout too, but you need to be ready to ice break and chat to people who are also hanging round waiting for the start. It's great once you're in the swing of it, but might be daunting if you know no one. You don't have to be able to run to join in - walking is fine, and you could volunteer.

And see it as a chance to meet people, whether men or women, because as your social circle expands you might get invited along to more things where your new friends bring other friends/colleagues etc.

Other ideas - go to pub quizzes - be the bod who helps a team make up numbers, become a regular, stay on for drinks after. Bell-ringing - but niche, but it has to be done in a group - chances of suitable person in group quite low but it's a way to meet new people (and their friends). Ditto morris dancing - some groups have female troops, but it's definitely majority male

Try evening openings of galleries and museums.

I went to a Tate Late (with a friend who worked pretty insane hours, as it was the only time she could fit in) and discovered we were about the only ones who weren't trying to strike up conversations with others there.

Bookshops that sell coffee (better still, wine) provide similar opportunities.

@Summerhillsquare

And not forgetting Fishing! They love a good fish in their hands in their dating profiles. Not sure why they think women would be attracted to a man with a big fish in his hands but hey ho!

Maybe keep an eye out for one of these events too. Like old school clubbing but in the daytime. Nottingham at the moment but I have a feeling this will take off!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-68865643.amp

You might be on the younger side of the crowd but if you can get a couple of mates to go it looks a laugh if nothing else.

I think this could be a great way to meet people.

@SquirmOfEels - art/museum lates attract a heavily female crowd and even if there are people looking to socialise, which I have seen at Tate Lates in the cocktail bars, they were all in their 20s. I even went to a few gallery lates meet ups post COVID and everyone was in their 20s or 50s and above.

I go to at least three gallery openings a month (private and national galleries) and am yet to encounter a 35 year old or older single male attending.

Art just seems to be very heavily dominated by single females. In my last art course, majority were single women 20-40s and one retired gentleman.

I think all other suggestions around sport or other hobbies are excellent ideas if you can find something you enjoy and have time for it.

I think it really depends on the type of guy you want... (stereotype), if you like the 'bantery' guys, go to bars, clubs and pubs, someone more physical in the gyms, someone more businessy in cafes etc. Obviously there are crossovers and depends on time of day etc.

I think you have to be a bit proactive though. Society today is such that a large number of men have been 'conditioned' to fear talking to women, especially hitting on them for fear of being labelled creeps etc. It's funny in gyms because you actually see a large number turning their heads away from the pretty women... so many social media videos are around of men getting caught even quickly glancing at women and getting publicly shamed.

I think any guy appreciates the attention... a quick question about a product in a supermarket, whether that soy latte with a slice of potato and pixie dust on top is any good (observing what he's getting), or whether that author compares to Mills & Boon are I guess standard conversation starters... then just as whether you can join him as you have time to kill and could do with some company :)

Fair enough. The one I went to had a good mix of the sexes, but I suppose it might have been fluke. I agree it's youngish - I'd have put it as mainly up to mid 30s. With quite a lot of arty dressing (black and shapeless, or just a bit weird)

Yes, of course you're right. It's so much easier to date in your 30s/40s. Reality is an average women has attractive men (all 6' 4" with 180' yachts - each an Adonis) - queue round the block, all yelling "Pick me, pick me!".

OP won't need to step outside, one posh frock - job done. Yup, sure as eggs, I know nothing, dating will be easy.

He's on another thread spouting shite too.

I do OLD and will continue to do so but tbh would prefer for something to develop more organically with someone

I don't think this happens anymore. I sat racking my brains for 5 minutes as to how a single woman might meet a single man, but couldn't think of anything. OLD might be the only option.