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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've no friends

6 replies

faaaarrout · 22/04/2024 12:23

So with covid, moving towns and wfh since then, I've not ended up with many friends.I've a DS who will be starting school in September who I've made a few mums friends from toddler groups etc, but we don't see much of them as they have other friends or family nearby which we don't.
I also feel that I have to actually like the other parents, rather than just having a same aged kid in common.
Should I join the pta or something in September as I'm a bit lonely tbh and getting out of practice seeing people?
My main hobbies are diy and reading, can't find a book club locally so not sure what other clubs to try

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 22/04/2024 12:29

Bumble has a making friends section so might be a good place to start.

Meetup.com does groups just for socialising too.

Iloveanicegarden · 22/04/2024 12:29

Does it bother you. I know we are told we need to socialise but I really can't be arsed. I am quite content in my own company - always have been since being an only child of publicans and attending school well away from where I lived. Then due to moving jobs and changing geographical locations frequently it never really happened. No family to speak off and I am virtually housebound due to COVID and mobility issues - suits me fine.

IAmThe1AndOnly · 22/04/2024 12:41

I think it’s more common than people think. When you don’t have any friends it’s easy to see yourself in isolation, iyswim, because you’re lonely and don’t imagine that there are other people who are lonely too.

I don’t have any friends either. When we moved here I had to give up my whole social group and when we moved here dc was in y5 so the school mum clique was well established by then.

Then I fell seriously ill and was out of the loop for a while, then COVID and now I work erratic hours including weekends so having a hobby or interest outside of the house just isn’t possible due to my work schedule.

I’ve become used to it tbh.

In time I realised that the school gate friendships are typically fluid and drift off once the kids go to secondary, because you rarely have anything in common other than the kids.

If it bothers you to not have friends then you just need to be patient. Friendships can develop out of nowhere but it’s never as simple as joining a club or bumble <shudder> because much like dating a lot of encounters won’t turn out how you hope.

But as PP said, does it actually bother you or do you just feel pressured to have friends because other people do?

My DP has friends, but we don’t live together so he sees them during the week where he works. I’ve warned him that if he moves here he will likely lose those friendships, and that is something which is very important to him. He says it isn’t, but I know him well enough to know that if he was actually in the situation it absolutely would bother him.

whereas I’ve become used to my life the way it is and have accepted it as it is.

faaaarrout · 22/04/2024 14:38

@Iloveanicegarden
Not for me personally no but I do wonder if DS misses out as we are def one and done. I find I don't like that many people so just wondered if I'm picky!
I prefer my husbands company really, he feels the same tho he has friends at work he obviously sees there everyday and plays football once a week which is enough for him.

OP posts:
faaaarrout · 22/04/2024 14:40

@IAmThe1AndOnly
An element of looking at other people social calendars and wondering if I'm missing out a bit I think (and also for DS) versus can I be bothered putting up with other people crap.
I feel I'm becoming more and more insular and out of social practice asides the odd toddler group etc where you can rarely have a conversation over the kids anyway

OP posts:
BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 22/04/2024 14:45

You need to be proactive. Why not start up a trial book club and sort it out with a local pub or cafe that you can hold it there. Choose a place that has people in it that looks like the type of people you might hang out with whatever that might look like.
Put up fliers and for a couple of posts on the local FB group. Ask the parents at school (or flier the school or use class WhatsApp or whatever) and other places. See who comes. Be very welcoming and friendly and interested in the people coming. Make it clear what type of books you want it to be about. At worst no one comes or it is filled with nobbers, just stop doing it. At best you meet so nice people and can do more social stuff.
I moved when pregnant to a new place and joined every fecking club, baby group, PTA, tennis class going that I could. Lots of them were duds and didn't click but over time I met some amazing people and it was because I recognised them from the gym or from school or from the pub that we ended up being friends. It takes time and effort

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