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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum is an alcoholic and gambler

3 replies

Leanne1191 · 22/04/2024 10:41

Hi,

I just wanted some advice.

Since I was 13-14 my mum and dad used to drink all the time like every day and few years ago my dad finally told me why they lost their house and we all became homeless and it was due to my mum having a gambling problem and wasn't paying the bills. My dad worked long ass hours all the time he was a manager for a retail company and used to commute by train so he would go to work for 8 but leave at 5am and not get home until 11 in the evening he used to come home and have a few beers to chill this was every night but I do get it now I am older he had a long day, my mum on the other hand worked part time and used to always be in the amusments and bingo she would spend 100's of £'s at a time and she would be in there every day my dad used to leave his card for her so she could pay all the bill because he would be at work all the time but she never paid them she would use the money for bingo slot machines etc etc and eventually the house got repossessed (may I add this wasn't the first house they lost either) now to the point my mum is still like this! My dad isn't they aren't together anymore but my mum does this all the time she drinks basically every day and she will get paid and the next day she is skint has no money and has to borrow of family members I worked out her income and outgoings and every month she should have after bills, food at least £400 left for the rest of the month but she is always skint she makes up excuses and lies about where her money goes and says she don't earn enough but I know it's lies my mum has been like this for years and I've told her she needs help and needs counselling and that she can't live like this anymore she gets depressed and tearful she does things she shouldn't be doing at the age of 53 and I just don't get why she don't see what she is doing to herself it makes me sad because she's admitted she has a problem but when I suggest AA and gamblers groups she then says no it's not that bad I'm fine I don't have any problems then Denys it and says I'll be fine when she's not..... all she goes on about is how she's down and depressed because she has no money and is barely living but I know it's because of what she does as soon as she gets paid, she works full time too and just blows it all on slot machines and the pub I know addiction isn't nice and it's bloody hard but she won't help herself she knows deep down she has a problem but then denys it as soon as anyone says about groups and stuff my nans tried helping her, her brother and sister has too even me and my brother and sister have but she won't have none of it I don't know what to do because I wish she would seek help for these. She will deny she's been to the slot machines and make out she's not been to the pub or hasn't drunk in ages but it's all lies as I just know her, her money is paid to her one day and the next day she's skint as she says, she's lost alot of weight because she's obviously not been buying food so she can drink and gamble her health has deteriorated over the last year too.

Does anyone have any advice at all?

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 22/04/2024 11:04

You could ask her GP to call her in for a check up and you could try social services but basically unless she wants to change her life there is nothing you can do. You need to concentrate on looking after yourself and your family if you have one.

HappierTimesAhead · 22/04/2024 11:11

@Leanne1191 I am really sorry that you had to grow up with a mum who has these issues. It's not your fault and you didn't deserve this. It will have had a massive impact on you so if you can access some sort of therapy than that may help. Unfortunately if your mum is not able to recognise her addiction then there is very little you can do. People have to want to change. All you can do is focus on you and your life and making that healthy and happy.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 22/04/2024 11:31

Do not give your mum any money as that will enable her addiction. Do not house her if she is evicted either. You didn't cause it, you can't control it nor cure it. It'll be hard especially if she pulls on your heart strings, but it's the worst thing you can do.

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