Aibu to be soooooo angry

[tiedinnotts]

Just a question is it me ?

Married to husband 4 years been together 24 years , two children 16 and 10 .

He has seriously p***d me off and I'm like a camel with an extra hump .

Before Xmas he booked to go abroad see his brother , lives in Australia .
No problem but he extended the holiday from 2 to 4 weeks so missing his daughters 10th birthday.
He bought his niece's really expensive presents and complained I was spending too much money on our children ( I buy presents but always run them past him ) .
His parents decided to join them , I can't stand his parents as I find them rude , they never acknowledge my birthday and don't spend money not even birthday presents on our children but lots on children abroad . My husband says he always felt his elder brother got more attention but my husband has done well and it's all down to him paying for uni etc . When we met I was the higher earner but he's overtaken me and I pay my own way .

His parents are coming in a few weeks and I don't want to play wifey . I'm angry at my husband and I can see it will be strained .

I'm angry because I feel he should have addressed how our children don't get even a card for birthdays but when his parents visit we take for meal and pay etc

And his expectation of me to just watch all this and not be angry

Bit of a jumbled rant that, OP. What do you want us to comment on?

Tbh I've no idea !

I'm angry at my husband because he ignores his parents v rude behaviour , they pay no attention to our children and I'm expected to just be there making cups of tea while they will talk about the lovely month they had in oz together .

And as I said my husband bought v overpriced gifts for his family and our children got nothing , not even a birthday card or a call to say happy birthday

Have you raised these issues with him? What was his response?

That's a shit dad right there.

I'm not sure the grandparents have done anything too wrong though, although it would be nice if they bought the odd birthday gift for your children.

You don't have to make the tea btw, your husband can do that.

Sorry dad did call and bought a card , present back , he said his parents were going to call later but they forgot ,
He bought a card and signed it with. £20 in from his parents .

I'm just v angry , maybe it's the change I'm less tolerant and quiet !!!!

Right, now I really don't get the problem?

I mean the grandparents are a bit hands off but why is that deserving of so much anger?

Wait, now I'm confused.

You said...

And as I said my husband bought v overpriced gifts for his family and our children got nothing , not even a birthday card or a call to say happy birthday

And but you also said...

Sorry dad did call and bought a card , present back

I am very confused by this post.

It sounds as if you’ve been simmering with resentment about things for a long time and it now bubbling over. Could you try writing a list of everything that’s making you angry and finding out exactly what it is you can do?

I suppose because he spends a lot of time running around after them , spending money on them , watching them treat his brothers children while our girls ( who are bloody lovely btw) get nothing ( and they notice this )

I often feel like I'm irrelevant . And our children are too . Maybe I need to know this family (that we are ) is more important than his bloody parents and brother ( who is actually quite nice and a family man )

So your husband buys expensive gifts for his brother’s children, but his brother doesn’t reciprocate?

And his parents don’t bother with your children (and you) either?

And your husband doesn’t seem bothered about all this?

@Chirawehaha
Sorry it's his parents not treating our children fairly and my husband nit tackling this , expecting me to just say nothing too .

Yes I'm simmering and he tells me I just have to accept

I suppose my family is quite vocal if we are upset we say something and get over it

@AutumnCrow , exactly !

He's said it's just how they are . I don't agree . Not when he wants to deny how they make his children feel.

FACTS

• Your husband went to Oz
• Your husband spent a load on presents for nieces but said you were spending too much on your own children
• Your in laws decided to go to Oz, same time as husband
• Your in laws give nieces lots of birthday presents and things
• Your in laws don’t remember your birthday or your children’s birthdays, give them nothing
• Your in laws are now coming to visit; you fear you must “play wifey”
• You are angry about this, and having to hear about Oz, and how your children are treated

QUESTIONS

• How are your children actually treated by the nieces’ parents? Do THEY get your children presents?
• So is your only problem with the in laws?
• WHO expects you to “play wifey”? Husband or in-laws?

SOLUTIONS

• Don’t “play wifey” - fuck that noise. Your husband, his guests, his responsibility. Pretend they aren’t there, if that’s what feels best.
• As a human, you are entitled to be angry when you are angry. You can be as quiet or as loud about it as you want. It’s your house.

If you don’t want to play wifey to the in laws you can’t stand then don’t. Let your DH entertain his parents. Can you take this time to meet up with friends, book theatre tickets for yourself, book to take your dc out for a few hours after school/weekends….

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Let your DH get on with running around after his parents. Not your circus….

@5YearsLeft

YES YES YES I f*ing agree with this

I've sent him a message saying as his parents are visiting on bank holiday Saturday and Sunday and he is going back with them on the Sunday evening to visit an aunt on the Monday (whose sadly been given 6 months to live ) I'm going to make plans to do something myself / with friends on that sunday and will come home when he is leaving with his parents .

( he has about 50 aunts , I've met this one about 20 years ago , didn't come to our wedding 4 years ago but was invited , seriously I hope she doesn't suffer too much , but going up on bank holiday after he went 3 weeks ago because he was told she didn't have long ) .

Is he telling you the truth about all these visits?

@EatCrow yes he's definitely where he says he is .

In oz I saw photos and the visit to auntie I heard him arranging visit with her daughter .