I cheated twice with my first love and so did he with me

[softheart2024]

First love, never went out, just a kiss one night, he chased me hard at the time, but circumstance and immaturity at 18
ended with me choosing someone else and i realised i made a mistake so at 20 approx we ended up kissing on night out again despite our other halves at the time. We both broke up with partners after that and then couple years ago, both married with did the same again. We have no sexual history. He said we just have a connection. No contact since but I cant stop
thinking of him. We are friends on FB but ive unfriended etc. obviously there is something wrong with me and my marriage. Im just so
confused and he is friends with my
brother, we are neighbours at my homeplace also etc and im just so worked up about when ill see him again how i am going to feel. Im going to end my marriage because my husband deserves better. I cant explain the connection that i have with this guy all my life.

How old are you now?

Hmmm, if there was a connection why are you not together and keep marrying other people?

OP - this is just a fantasy, for both of you.
If you actually had this ‘special connection’ - you’d have gotten together on the many opportunities you had - at 18, 20, etc
As it is - it’s just a game of teasing each other that you play. The most that happens is a kiss. Rinse and repeat.

How old are you? Maybe you married too young and haven’t got it all out of your system?

ime men are pretty simple. If they want to be with you, they will, they make that clear. He did not and does not.

He enjoys the ego boost, you enjoy the fantasy aspect. Don’t weave a love story into two snogs and potentially ruin your marriage.

I don’t mean to be harsh but in my early twenties I built a narrative of some kind of soul mate/true love rubbish over something similar (was single though) and learnt a VERY valuable lesson.

It’s not real. It’s limerence. Detach otherwise it will fuck up your life.