To have snapped over this

[Marmitemate33]

Wont bore with too many ins and outs. My boyfriend is so terrible with money that ive come to terms with the fact ill never live with him.

Hes earned great money but wastes it on addicitions.

I have helped him through 2 rotten years. Hes lost jobs. Had back surgery. Became homeless through landlord selling up. Council dont care about single men where i live. They didnt help. He managed to get another job and 8 months ago someone rented him a flat. He then lost thst job. Hes become depressed and surviving off uc which is less than £800 a month. He pays his rent and the other £300 goes within a couple of days. He starts asking me for money mkst days. Usually £20.

This last week i got him a food shop. Bought him a bedset and a plant and 2 pouches of backy.

Hes shown me no affection. Didnt get me a card for my birthday 2 weeks ago.

Today hes been replying with one word to my messages. I asked on my break at work why he didnt let me know he was home ok and why was his response..... "cool" when i said i was on break. Usually we have a quick phone chat.

I had been food shopping yesterday for my house and got some nice bits in for me and the kids. I made a packup this morning for work and told him i was organised.

He replied to my question with

"Im sorry what should i say? I hope your break is wonderful and your home made lunch is fufilling and nutritious?"

I told him i was done and told him i didnt need a childish man unable to ask how my days going.

He replied saying i have issues and he was joking. Hes now ignoring his phone.

I am done with the relationship. Hes like a 2 year old. But now im sat here alone tonight wondering if i bit too quickly.

Ive been wanting to end it ages now because i dont like who he is when im not around. But i always end up feeling sorry for him.

Im in therapy. But needed to sound off before my session tuesday. She is helping me end things but its taking me time as she thinks trauma bonded.

You are giving the food from your kids mouth to an arsehole who treats you like crap.
Save the money, ditch the wanker.
Hopefully your therapist can help you quickly.

Wastes his money on his addictions? Multiple? What addictions are these. Smoking and what else?

I am struggling to see how you even got to the 3 year point.

Why are you still in a relationship with him?

Read what you wrote

Thats why im in therapy because im mentally abused, sad and feel trapped but cant get strong enough to do it because of the amount of manipulation. Hes attempted suicide before and i feel responsible for what happens if i leave him and stop helping.

Please see your worth.

To your kids you are worth everything.

To him you're a cash cow that doesn't deserve even the basic level of respect when you aren't funding him.

Put your time, energy and love back into yourself and your kids and one day you'll meet someone worthy of you all.

The suicide threats are pure manipulation.

If he does kill himself it is not your fault or responsibility.

Walk away and block him on everything.

Well you've left him, so things will get definitely get better. Secondly, you're having therapy, even better. Things are certainly looking better for you.

Im so upset with this. Its been 4 years of pain and sadness. It crept up on me so slowly. 2 other women before me took 3 years to cut all ties and heal from the pain he caused them. I take comfort in knowing its not just me. Hes not evil but doesnt function at all. He just cant do life like the rest of us. He hid it so well. But now i know so much more about what he does and who he is. I dont think hes trying to hurt anyone. Hes hurting himself really. I think hes scared sometimes. Puts on a tough front. I dont know the half of things really.

Laid in bed and i feel so lonely. How can you want someone gone so badly yet be scared of them being gone.

2 other women before me took 3 years to cut all ties and heal from the pain he caused them.

And bluntly, he didn't kill himself then. If he threatens suicide you tell him you're calling 999 and then do call. Every time.

This is not a hasty decision - you have just reached the moment when you know this relationship is taking from you and not giving you much back but hurt.

You can get through the break up. It is painful but you will get through to the other side. Just go a day at a time, or an hour at a time. Write if you can, about what you want in a relationship and what you want in your future.

You can do this. Reach out for support as manipulative people cause a lot of damage. Keep reminding yourself you deserve better. And your kids deserve to see you being treated better.

He’s responsible for himself and threatening suicide can be an abuse tactic.
Cut him free and live your own life.

He didn't even muster up the effort to get you a birthday card and you feel bad why exactly OP?

He's a leech.

Not even a grateful one.

Thank god you don't live together.

Just text him OP it's more than he deserves.

I would try "I can't afford you you deserve someone much wealthier than me wish you all the best"

Softens the blow

Then block and run.

His choices are his choices.

He's had ages to sort himself out. I'm not saying he hasn't had a hard time. But that's his problem not yours.

When you have kids you have to put them first.

Cut ties with this man. Look after yourself and dc. If you're soulmates you can always get back together again in day six months time. But I don't think you will. He's not the one. Be on your own for a while.

And if he does anything stupid then that's his choice and you're not responsible for it.

There are so many reasons to not be in a relationship with this person. His reply to your text is frankly the least of your worries.

Honestly, get a bit of gumption and tell him that this relationship isn't working out. It really really isn't working.

I find the idea of a financially incapable, unemployed man very unattractive.

If not for yourself, show your children that relationships should be better than this.

But did you fart?
Sorry op but ltb and don't look back.. Far too many sponging blokes atm and women who come on here complaining.. Kick him to the kerb and get yourself an actual partner not a leech.
He won't change.
Ime.

Coming from a different angle are you really helping him by enabling him

Leave him, block him and move on. He is a fully grown adult capable of living his own (disastrous) life. You are not his mum.

Thank you. Well hes stayed quiet and i wont hear from him today as his pip payment is due.

You are right. I cant afford to be with him and even if i could he hid addiction from me for 3 years. He was clever at hiding it. Never saw him high. Saw him moody and in bed or sweating in the night though.

He has been a liar all the way through. Thats what i find really disgusting how ive helped him out so much and i still get denied basic respect.

He did die last time he overdosed but because he text his ex she phoned an ambulance as he said goodbye. The paramedics had to work on him at his house. Hes one of those people who makes really terrible decisions. Looses everyone and everything then feels really sad when hes alone and skint.

Hi@Marmitemate33 I didn't want to read and run because I could of almost wrote this word for word last year with my now ex. He had the addiction issues, couldn't hold down a job, lived with his mother but still had no money for food, activities, etc. He'd lie and get flakey around his own pay day and disappear/cut or reduce contact then come back and attempt to bleed every penny he could out of me, eat my food, use my gas and electric etc over the next few weeks under false promises before the cycle repeated again.

It was utterly exhausting and I was constantly trying to leave but it was always met with "I'm depressed", "I'm going to commit suicide", "You're the unreasonable one", etc, etc guilt trip.

Thankfully for me it spanned only a year (too long!) before i left the relationship completely. However I've unfortunately found myself pregnant, cue his next new manipulation tactic but that was the kick I needed to not even respond to his messages, calls and letters etc anymore. I'm now completely no contact with him because guess what... he's still very much alive and exactly the same person in the exact same cycle he was throughout.

It is difficult to get your own morals and self worth in order when dealing with guys like this but when you realise it is only a form of manipulation and nothing will actually change, you will be much happier alone. Don't continue excusing him or feeling bad. This actually is who he is and chooses to be... why?? Because it evidently keeps working. You said yourself, you are the 3rd woman not the first. This isnt new behaviour or circumstances. This is him! It is entirely his choice and fault. Sorry to be blunt.