Am I daft?

[Loveablerogue]

So I’ve been in my relationship for 9 years - we have a 6 year old.
i feel like this behaviour is abusive but I just don’t know, and I do love him - gosh that sounds so daft!
so I am the only one who works - he has a diagnosed mental health condition. He does nothing in the house, and complains about how messy it is, he never washes up, does laundry or takes care of our child. I do school runs, pick ups, washing, cleaning etc etc.
he constantly complains that he can’t live in this mess, that he can’t cope, but he doesn’t help me!
I don’t have the money to leave, I don’t know that I want to, I just know that I think this isn’t right!

No this isn't right. You're working a paid job as well as the much underappreciated full time unpaid job of taking care of a house and a child, this is not on at all.

Why would you be the one to leave and not him? Is it your house or his or a joint one?

You have the money to stay where you are and kick Him out though right?

It’s joint in both of our names - he receives benefits for his mental health issues - and we get universal credit top up for our rent.

Kick him out

Live happily without him

Job done

Not really - as I won’t earn enough alone to pay the rent - as the money he recieves contributes to the house

@Loveablerogue you will get UC in your own right for child care and toward rent. Don't stay in this miserable existence. You have to show your daughter the sort of people she should choose in her life. We set the example for our children. I picked crap men because that was what I was taught. Break the mold and want better for yourself and her

You'll get UC as a single person.

He's a carbuncle that needs lancing. You wouldn't keep a festering boil on your skin so why are you keeping this lazy arse around (and while I have every sympathy for mental health issues, that's no excuse for being a lazy arse).

he constantly complains that he can’t live in this mess, that he can’t cope

Then he needs to leave. Unless you are responsible for him?

Have you done a benefit check? Turn2us Benefits Calculator

Why do you think you can't afford it? Make sure you know, rather than just assuming.

As above, was just about to recommend the turn2us calculator. You might be even better off financially without him, and you certainly will be mentally. Does he actually share the disability benefits with you/contribute to the household? You’d still get rent top ups.

I agree with all the others. He needs to go. He's bringing absolutely nothing except complaints and misery to the relationship. He might have MH issues but lying there doing nothing and complaining he can't live like this, is ridiculous.

End it. You'll be much happier.

Op, kindly, what do you love about him? It doesn't seem like he brings anything to the table so I think you need to think about what it is you actually love about him

I just feel like im
Not sure what I would be without him. It’s been so long.

You need to create yourself then. What do you want to be? What do you wish you were?

@Loveablerogue I get that... my relationship has just broken down too. In February he ended it with me. We'd been together for 9 1/2 years and 2 kids together, a mortgage, built our lives and our careers together.
But being miserable is no way to live. You deserve better, your child deserves better. You're basically on your own anyway, he seems like a burden more than anything.
You WILL be okay. In fact you'd probably thrive when you realise he doesn't add any value to your life.
I get what you mean, it's hard; but you can do it 🤍

Wow that’s such a huge question - I don’t know more than this I think is the answer.

and I think because I know that inam
more than this I need to listen to myself

I'm guessing that firstly, you'd like to be a person who doesn't volunteer to be complained at.

I'm guessing that firstly, you'd like to be a person who doesn't volunteer to be complained at.