To feel like the least favourite child

[Sundaycoffee]

I am the oldest of 3 girls at 38, single and no DC. By contrast one of my sisters is engaged and in the process of buying a new property with her fiance, and my youngest sister has a 6 month old son with her DP who we obviously all dote on.
I'm finding myself slowly detaching myself from my parents (particularly my mother). We tend to all get invited round on a Sunday to spend time together as a family and every time I leave feeling dejected. My mother leads most of the conversation and I am starting to notice a pattern that conversation will always be focused and directed to my sisters and their lives. The conversation flows back and forth between them and I just feel like spare part in the background. About their jobs, my nephew, their partners. Today it was a full hour and a half discussion about my sisters property hunt. By the time everyone leaves I always notice that my mother has barely even asked how I am.
It's really killing my self esteem and short of avoiding these visits and thus my family I'm not sure how to handle the situation.

do you ever get together with your parents 1-2-1?

Has it always been like this or just recently? It's thoughtless either way not to show more interest in you but if it's just recent then maybe it's not personal, it's just that your other sisters have huge coinciding life events happening putting the focus on them whilst you sound like you're ticking along as normal. Do you make a point of asking about your parents, their hobbies or any goings on? Just to widen the focus.

Do you have anything going on that they can ask you about though? I get it must be frustrating but if you haven't got anything they can engage with conversation about then obviously they are going to ask your siblings about theirs?

Literally no need to even ask my mother, she makes sure we know all the comings and goings in her life! My father has early stages of dementia so generally prefers to observe rather than participate in conversations and zones out a lot.
I would say I've noticed it more within the past 2/3 years. I have a pretty good job but it's an office job and not particularly interesting (at least to my mother) Whereas my sister is a newly qualified social worker and we can easily spend the best part of an hour talking about the families shes supporting and how she's getting on with it. Before that she was studying, so it was about how uni was going. As they both have partners it will be questions on them and their families. Obviously I get involved in the conversations to but I'm starting to just feel like a bit of a bystander.
I ended up making my excuses and leaving early today after my sister and her partner spent the best part of an hour talking about their property search with my mother. My dad fell asleep during the convo and I just felt like a bit of a spare part!

I can see why you feel left out OP. I think your sisters deserve a bit of the blame here as it doesn't sound as if they try to include you in the conversation either?

How do you feel it would be taken if you try to raise this with your mother and sisters? My mum has a habit of not asking either my sister or I how we are, and launches in to a long monologue about what she's been doing. However, we both pitch in with 'I'm alright, thanks for asking' when needed and it seems to make the point (we are quite a sarcastic family though). She's got a lot better though.

If you are a confident conversationalist, can you take the reins on the conversation and mix things up- add in a relevant anecdote etc, then ask a question of one of your sisters(I may have misunderstood, but it sounds like when your mum speaks to one of you, the conversation goes back and forth between those two, rather than being an 'open forum' where anyone might jump in on the topic)? It might at least shake things up a bit and demonstrate to everyone that you are indeed interesting to talk to and not everything needs to revolve around house, wedding, baby (NOT that I think you should have to do this).

I feel you OP. I’m not sure I have much by way of advice but I’m going through something very similar. It’s difficult because it feels almost shameful to admit those feelings (for me anyway) but they’re there for a reason. It’s not wrong to feel how you do.

Do you have anything you could bring up in conversation that you have going on in your life at the moment? I would see how they respond to you. Do they ask questions and take an interest? Or do they quickly steer the conversation back to themselves?

personally, this sounds like a bit of a dysfunctional dynamic. Your mother seems to be ignoring you for some reason. I’d want to know why.

Do you feel comfortable sharing how it makes you feel?

do you ever share 1-2-1 time with either your mum or either of your sisters?

I totally empathise with your situation, and I think I’d feel exactly the same as you. Relationships ought to be reciprocal.

I would go less I doubt they are going to change their behaviour spend time with someone who is interested in you instead , I’ve 45 years of being ignored in favour of my brothers my mum has never once managed to ask how I am but I hear plenty about her and random people I’ve never even met