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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Constant aches and pains driving me mad

5 replies

OfficeProbx · 21/04/2024 08:02

I will be brutal my DP is quite overweight and does little exercise. He is aware of this and dabbles with considering weight loss and doing more exercise but does not do much about it. For context he is under 40.

I am not overweight (I used to be) and I am more active. He sleeps in whilst I get up and do things. I always buy/cook healthy meals but I know he eats takeaways and junk food when I am not around.

We talk a lot about his aches and pains, he’s not complaining exactly… but he’s always reporting them to me. I give him advice to see a doctor, do some physio exercises, stretch, do some gentle exercises, take some painkillers, have a hot bath, use some deep heat - NONE of which he ever does. He is a bit of a trooper and will just carry on doing something even if it hurts then suffers for it later.

He has a bad knee, bad hip and bad back. Even one night in a different bed or time on the wrong chair results in him being in agony all day long. I can’t remember the last time he didn’t complain about an ache or pain, I was honest and said he’s in his 30’s I don’t think this is completely normal and to go speak to a doctor or think about changing his lifestyle as does he want this to be his life?

This is really affecting our sex life now as I am always acutely aware that whatever we may be doing could cause him pain and discomfort and it’s starting to feel like I am with an OAP (sorry no offence to OAP’s).

If it turned out he has a health condition I would feel sympathetic if he was actively doing something to manage it, but he isn’t. I am starting to assume this is lifestyle related and I don’t understand why anyone would choose to live like this? I’m not asking him to get buff like Chris Hemsworth btw. AIBU?

OP posts:
BeenThere101 · 21/04/2024 09:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mmhmmn · 21/04/2024 09:52

YANBU. It’s basic to expect adults to look after themselves. That includes gentle exercise if vigorous exercise is too much and going to the GP to investigate symptoms.m with a view to alleviating them. Sounds frustrating, banging your head against a brick wall. If he doesn’t want to look after himself why should you?

Mmhmmn · 21/04/2024 09:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Or deal with head on as in. “You are always moaning and never doing anything about it. I do NOT want to hear you moan about this again. Go to the doctor!!”

OfficeProbx · 21/04/2024 13:03

He has only been out of the house a couple of hours and gone straight to a fast food place with the kids for lunch and also had one of those insane high calorie milkshakes with the meal, after spending all morning shuffling around with a bad stiff back like he is 80. I got up and made a healthy breakfast and he said he wasn’t hungry.

I think it’s the choices he’s making I am getting fed up with there is no need for this and it’s expensive too. I am running out of sympathy

OP posts:
SpoonyGoldBiscuit · 21/04/2024 21:02

Not what your asking but he may benefit from a vitamin D supplement and also something anti inflammatory like Quercetin

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