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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I expecting too much?

6 replies

Rgh254 · 20/04/2024 23:44

Got up this morning with my toddler after dp made comment to him "I'm not getting up with you ds, it's always me"
I said, "If you wanted a lie in, all you had to do was say instead of being passive aggressive"
He was insistent that it wasn't meant like that. Although I'm not sure how else it could have been intended.
I went downstairs with ds, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, cleaned up dinner from the night before, popped a few loads of laundry on etc. The house looked nice, not perfect by any means but i could go about my day knowing it was up together. Dp emerged around 11 and announced that he needed to run some errands. I went into the garden to do some more chores and play with ds and dp came back a bit later.

I then went over to see my sister as she needed help decorating and left dp with ds for the day and our teenager.

When I got back it was gone 9pm. There were toys strewn everywhere. The dishwasher I'd stacked and switched on earlier remained untouched. The kitchen was strewn with pans and plates from dinner and my teenage son informed me the dp had only done dinner for the toddler and nothing for him.

Luckily I'd grabbed myself sausage and chips on the way back from my sisters so I was able to easily share with the hungry teen - I know he could have quite easily have sorted something for himself but the fact that dp made something for our toddler and not him is shit in my opinion.
I got the teenager to unload the dishwasher and quickly whipped round to put everything back so it's nice for the morning. Went up to bed and was greeted by the contents of our toddlers cot all over the floor.

I'm absolutely knackered which he knew I would be. I feel really frustrated that having made sure everything was up together before I left I returned to a total mess.
It seems like such a double standard. He's become very selfish lately and I feel like he's checked out of the relationship. This is just another day of his actions making me feel completely unvalued.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 21/04/2024 04:27

Another man who now thinks you are trapped because of a child he now has a house slave to tidy, clean, cook, childcare, whilst he runs his errands and has a lie in.

Personally I would kick off every time, not do any chores for him, so laundry in particular, not have sex, be strong and pissed off until he got the message this is just not fucking ok.

If he decided to leave then fine.

HappyEater · 21/04/2024 04:29

Is the teenager his?

Rgh254 · 21/04/2024 06:22

No the teen isn't his.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 21/04/2024 06:28

I know you probably won't agree @Rgh254 but you would be better off on your own, it would be less stressful and you can live your life the way you want without the passive aggressive comments and useless laziness,

Nothing you described needed your DP to be involved, so it begs the question what benefit does he bring to your life.

Arewethebadguys · 21/04/2024 06:29

I wouldn't have any respect for a man that makes dinner for himself and not my child. How shitty, whether his bio son or not, you're supposed to be a family. That would be it for me tbh, a partner who doesn't treat my son with basic courtesy and respect in our house would be gone.

Olika · 21/04/2024 06:32

Have a blunt convo with him. Tell him if he isn't willing to take care of the kidS and do household tasks that are part of being a father and partner then he better back his bags and leave.

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