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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you let your ex see his children?

8 replies

HorrorsPersist · 20/04/2024 19:18

Hi all

I know your first thoughts are of course you’d let your child have a relationship with their dad.

But my soon to be ex who I’ll be leaving this month is an absolute narcissist. His treated me awfully during pregnancies and cheated (not sexually) and all sorts whilst and right after our baby was born. His basically done so much I’m not going to go into it.

Our DS is 1.8 years old now my partner has NEVER helped look after him I’ve always done, bedtime, feeds, meals, nappies, bath time whatever needs doing basically it’ll be me. He will play with him here and there and express how much he loves him that’s about it on the rare occasion had him for an hour or 2. Otherwise ever since my little one has been born I have been with him every single day for 1.8 years and every hour except if I’ve gone for my lashes or something.

when DS throws tantrums my partner tends to say things like “Yo you’re annoying bro, shut up, such a dummy, are you dumb bro” etc I don’t say anything back to avoid conflict but I just wanna punch him in the face when he does.

A few months ago he took viagra and was trying it with me and I didn’t wanna be touched our toddler was asleep but then woke up upset etc and he kept saying “you’re the bane of my life, such a problem, omg you’re annoying” ew disgusting. When I addressed this with him he said it was all the testosterone from taking viagra and he didn’t mean it and etc but idk if I should let such a incompetent man have access to my little love.

he says he loves him, he says he is his world and whatever else nonsense but for someone who isn’t overstimulated, doesn’t look after him and does NO chores and doesn’t even provide for the family (I do) he has no right to be frustrated with DS. I want my little love to have a happy life and not to be called dumb for just being upset for being hungry and wanting milk.. What do would you do?

OP posts:
patchworkpal · 20/04/2024 19:35

I would do everything in my power to at most allow supervised visits in a centre

TheSnowyOwl · 20/04/2024 19:53

Unfortunately there isn't anything there that would legally stop him from having access.

HorrorsPersist · 20/04/2024 19:57

He wouldn’t attempt legal access. As he isn’t on the birth certificate either the midwife advised me against it as he was mentally/emotionally abusing me during my pregnancy and he was happy to not go on it too.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2024 20:03

Are there other children? You say children in the title and mention pregnancies.

No, I wouldn’t encourage contact and I doubt he’ll bother seeing him if you don’t actively, persistently enable and encourage it. He sounds absolutely pathetic.

Gettingbysomehow · 20/04/2024 20:07

Don't volunteer anything. If he wants rights he can fight for them. Don't let him In your house. I'll bet he won't fight. Protect your child.

HorrorsPersist · 20/04/2024 20:15

i had a miscarriage before our DS and he treated me so horribly. I then had our DS and by chance got pregnant unplanned last year and he coerced me into aborting and mid abortion he was shouting at me and calling me childish as I panicked about the strange feelings I was experiencing my body go through and as I panicked when blood just came shooting out of me and I screamed in panic and pain he said are you a child go to the bathroom what are you doing just telling me off. I have been meaning to leave him but have been so afraid finally got the courage and know I’m done but just found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant now but leaving him regardless

OP posts:
HorrorsPersist · 20/04/2024 20:20

I’m pregnant off the back of 1 solitary bunk whilst I was sleeping he did and was the only time in the last 2/3 months. As I’ve refused intimacy with him because he makes my skin crawl and his a man child

OP posts:
50Fifty · 20/04/2024 20:42

So he's a rapist as well as mentally and emotionally abusive?! Leave now, report him to the police and never look back. I usually don't agree with not having the father's name on a birth certificate but your lucky it's not. Go and never look back, for both/all 3 of your sakes.

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