I had been with my partner for 8 years, known each other 11 years. We have been married for 3 years and have a 7 month old. When our baby was 4 months old my partner suddenly became very cold. That’s when he admitted that he wanted a divorce as he wasn’t in love with me anymore.
He then changed his mind slightly and said he wanted to think on it for a while as it was a big decision and he didn’t want to regret it. So we carried on living together like roommates who co parented. In that time I re-evaluated our whole relationship and realised that we have grown apart as people. I made a list of all of the positives and negatives of our relationship and sadly the negatives far outweighed the positives. So a couple of weeks ago we came together again for a chat and decided to separate. It is sad as I still care about him and what we used to have together. But I know separation is for the best. He said he still cares about me too but the spark has just gone for him.
We own a home together. I have no where else to go so am staying in the family home. He could go live with his parents as they have more than enough room. But for now he has asked to stay in the family home as we are on good terms and he can also help with our baby.
The thing is, a week after we officially split he started to be really secretive with his phone. I know I shouldn’t care as we are no longer together. But he left it on the sofa one evening and I just so happened to catch the name of the person he was texting. It was a girl that he’s not spoken to in a couple of years.
Just after we got married we nearly ended up divorcing straightaway as this girl and my partner were sending each other flirty messages. She’s 8 years younger and at the time she was his student. I made him choose between me and this girl and he broke contact with her. She ended up failing her course as well and was no longer his student so they also didn’t see each other anymore.
I just feel so upset that we’ve only been officially broken up a couple of weeks and he’s already chasing another girl. I know I shouldn’t care and it shouldn’t bother me but it does. I’m not even close to being over the relationship and it’s like he’s moved on already. It’s not like it was a short relationship we had been together 8 years. I know the logical thing to do is to ask him to move out but selfishly I want him around. For company, as I’ve never lived alone and being on maternity leave does make you extra lonely. And because he does help out with the baby and gives me a much needed break!
I don’t really know what I’m asking, am I right to feel upset and hurt? Should I ask him to leave? And what if he refuses?