If you have a low libido but like sex/intimacy I have a question

[Alltheyellow]

My libido is quite high and I'm being respectful of my partner's who's is not. But what I don't understand is he really enjoys sex and intimacy but then once we've had sex he can go (imo) a long time before wanting it again. I'm the opposite I wake up the next day almost desperate for more. I don't tell him or turn into a sex pest and have accepted the situation but I don't really get it.

If you enjoy sex and intimacy why would you not crave more? Does it just die off for a bit after until it builds back up?

Sex drive is sex drive. I am with you but my partner is now going for longer and longer periods without wanting sex. I could easily have sex everyday.
My partner also massively struggles with non sexual intimacy. I am increasingly not wanting to have any sex with him as the only time he is affection is when he occasionally feels like sex. I just feel resentment.

You can quite enjoy something when you do it, without necessarily having an actual drive to do it. I don't see why that's hard to understand tbh.

I just think it goes on for too long.

The sex goes on too long or the drought between sex goes on too long?

Yeah, pretty much what you said, once the urge is satisfied the drive drops right down.
I absolutely love sex with my DH, always good and satisfying, and would hate to lose it, twice a week would be my max by preference but I'm not unhappy with with once a month... So anything in between is fine by me.

Much like you don't actively choose your level of desire, same goes for him and I think everyone has a bit of a natural baseline. If you're lucky they are fairly similar.

That said, there are things which increase my innate level of desire.
Good level of non sexual intimacy /contact
Laughing/ having fun together
Flirting together
Not being overloaded and stressed
Feeling good about myself
Chance for spontaneity

And the opposite of those things damps it down.

The sex does. It’s great and all, but I kind of get a bit ‘okay, I’m done now’ so when it is over I’m not that fussed about repeating any time soon.

I really enjoy sex while I’m doing it. I can climax from PIV alone, sometimes within a minute.

However, I never get horny and it rarely occurs to me to do it. We have to have a set routine or it wouldn’t happen at all. It’s just how I am.

DH would happily do it every day several times a day given the chance.

@BigButtons sorry to hear you're feeling resentful. I would too in that circumstances. To me it would almost feel like a power play and I don't like that.

I have never thought about how long sex goes on for tbh. I've always enjoyed it and never experienced over long sessions I don't think.

@5x500 that's really interesting. Half intrigued about your routine too. Do you ever feel spontaneous?

@AllProperTeaIsTheft I just find the whole thing confusing. He loves intimacy and we are very tactile day to day. Which is how we both feel secure and loved. But sex he enjoys but doesn't then seem bothered for sometimes weeks after. I do struggle to understand tbh but also I do get your very valid point.

Half intrigued about your routine too. Do you ever feel spontaneous?

No, never. We do it on set days at set times. Holidays have a different routine, but there still is one. Spontaneity for me would be suggesting doing something different, like outside against the shed door but it would still be within the set times/days.

Completely agree with that. One of the reasons my relationship is rapidly going down the pan.

I don't know but I assume it's like pizza. Some people will say they love pizza and could it eat every day. Some people will say they love pizza but they only want to eat it once every few weeks. Doesn't mean they don't really love pizza when they're in the mood for it!

I have had periods of my life where I had more sex or less sex, but a lot of that was to do with circumstance, opportunity and relationship status. I don't think it was ever much to do with an actual inherent need. Frequency was never a concern for me. Even when I was in my 20s and pretty active, having no sex (or intimacy of any kind) for months and months would not have bothered me in the slightest.

Exactly this. Not everyone wants to binge on pizza.