How to leave

[TeaBookcats]

Hello, I just put a post up about dividing household chores. In reality. I need to leave. My partner has been away for a few weeks on holiday and my mental health has been the best it's been in 6 years. When he was here I was so depressed, completely exhausted, no motivation to do anything. He made me think I would be so distraught and lost without him because he does everything but in reality, he doesn't nothing. I feel so happy. My relationship is emotionally abusive and I've become a shell of myself, until the last few weeks.

Please can anyone advise, I am in debt, I have no financial income, he gives me set money, I live in his house, that he owns. We are not married. My credit rating has gone down significantly since becoming a SAHM to our lovely 2-year-old toddler. I wouldn't have trouble getting a job as I have lots of experience and qualifications. I just don't think I would be able to rent anywhere with my
Credit Rating. I have two cats that I can't give up. They were my parents cats, my parents both died so it's all I have left of them.

Where do I start?

My stomach is turning because as soon as he can see I've got some confidence, he starts being so nice and sucks me back in. I need to be stronger this time for my daughter. I keep a journal to remind myself of everything and why I need to leave but he always finds it and reads it.

Thank you for reading xx

First of all you get your own bank account, then get any child benefit paid into it.
Then you get store cards for Tesco/Boots/Sainsburys etc and you save up the points for when you leave.
Then you look at getting a job and little one into nursery.
I’d ring Women’s Aid for advice. And remember, if he’s ever threatening/violent or you’re scared of him, call the police.
And for the benefit of your situation you may have to consider rehoming the cats , just to give you more rental options. Don’t let the cats keep you prisoner there with him, I’m sure that’s not what your parents would want.
Good luck.

Coercive control is now a crime. There’s all kinds of abuse going on here. I’d start by going to police not only to report him but to get some advice on what to do next. Women’s aid too. GP to access free counselling to build your self esteem. Do you have any family u could stay with or friend? Get out from under his control. Call citizens advice re housing/support you’re entitled too- you’ll defo be entitled to job seekers allowance/universal credit and child benefit. Once you’ve got the foundations in place you can look for a job then further study. Keep climbing up out of this OP for you and your child.

Thank you both for your advice, all noted (somewhere private). I've just signed up for counselling again, also. Much to his dismay as the last counsellor suggested I leave.

In terms of child benefit, would he be alerted? As he earns over the threshold?

You can claim it, but not take the money I believe, then start taking the money when you leave.
It’s important to have it in your name. Firstly so that he can’t claim it and keep the money from you, and secondly so that you get the points towards your old age pension.

Have you tried an online journal with a password that you don't save in your computer? Penzu is an online free journal and Mynara is a free app for abusive relationships which includes a journal that needs a password AND a pin to get into it. Just make it a pin that you can remember and don't need to write down so he can't find it. You know how to use a browser privately so it doesn't store what you've looked at in the history I hope?