Is life meant to be this way?

[Mumofboys247]

My husband has his own company and it can be very stressful
he drinks every night and is mean when he is drunk (which is every day) - he lets all his stress out on me but can be very unkind.
i also work elsewhere but he is constantly telling me I should do more for him - running my job down and saying I should spend my time working for him, we have 2 young children who take up a lot of my time - he hates when I take them to a group or even to a park as said this is time I should spend working for him
am I meant to give up everything for him? And I meant to let him be so vicious because he is stressed with work? I want to walk away , he is very rarely at home between work and socialising anyway - he is generous with money but constantly picking at me and hates when I go anywhere even if it’s a child activity - i guess I’m asking if this is normal and I’m being selfish?

I see he is struggling

I bet he can’t see he’d not struggle so much if he stayed sober. Problems are never solved by alcohol.

He sounds like an alcoholic to me —- the me, me, me is classic alcoholic.
Point him in the direction of Alcoholics Anonymous, if he won’t engage with them it’s time to leave. Ime it only gets worse. Sorry.

Blimey. I never comment on these things but you are working practically full time, looking after young children by yourself and then being treated with contempt by your partner.

Absolutely time to leave. He will then have to accept how bloody strong you are.

Good luck @Mumofboys247

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Handmaiden much? She works 4 days a week and does 100% of everything at home and that isn't enough? He wouldn't be able to work the hours he does if it weren't for here. Do indeed put your coat on and leave if you can't see how unfair this man is being.

If you don’t want the rest of your life to be like this, or worse, then go. It must be a very toxic environment for your children too. They also shouldn’t think this is normal in a family.

Get copies of the company accounts and bank accounts. Go back as far as you can. You might need it when he tries to screw you over when you ask for a divorce.

Well he, and they, both could, if the children were in nursery.

If she's working 4 days a week, presumably there is childcare for the 4 days? There's obviously a difference in opinion over whether they should work equal time or not.

Doing 4 days, plus all housework is more than 5 days and no housework, I agree. You also need to take earnings into account. For example, DH and I are working towards him setting up on his own, let's say that business pulls in £500k a year. If I could assist with that, I will stop my current 4 day a week role (£35k) and work for his company because it's actually quite counter productive for me not to be assisting the huge amount of family income but insist on using 4 days and one day off to bring in 7% of what the other person does. This is not DH controlling me. It's working as a team.

Yes they do take their toll, and it takes time afterwards for the stress to dissipate as well.

Have you ever turned around and told him it to talk shit.

Do You think that OP actually should give up her financial independence for this guy? Is that you recommendation know the nasty names he calls her.

In your case it might be. In other relationships it won't be. People do control their partners by cutting off access to work, friendships and the like. Based on OP's description of her OH, it's likely that he is one of those as opposed to someone like your DH. Unless you've been in an abusive relationship (I have), you have no idea what goes on.

Giving up work to work in the family business has shafted many a woman - read the Separation/Divorce section to learn more. What happens is that the man decides to cheat or walk away, hides his income by paying himself a minimal salary and taking his income in dividends, and then refuses to pay adequate maintenance - and gets away with it. Meanwhile the woman has a massive gap in her CV and no job.

And of course the children are the ones who lose out because they now have an absent father who was never there for them in the first place and a mother who's in financial dire straits.

Except her objection is that she'd have to put the children into nursery for 5 days. He's not asked her to give up her job. Just to assist with his, which she says a) brings in most of the household money, and b) she can see he's struggling with, instead of taking the kids to social play.

She'd still be working her job. No differently to now. Lots of people put their DC into nursery 5 days. The caveat would have to be that they take on a cleaner/outsource some household tasks.

i also work elsewhere but he is constantly telling me I should do more for him - running my job down and saying I should spend my time working for him,

From the OP. He is exactly demanding that she should spend her time working for him. He disrespects her job completely.

He also begrudges his DC having literally a couple of activities a week and he drinks to excess, then gets mean with it. Yep, a perfect situation in which OP should definitely make herself more vulnerable and less independent. FFS.

If we're 'meant to do something', then that must be according to something. So, we're meant to stay below 70mph on the motorway, according to the law, and when you look after someone else's kids, you're meant to do things according to the parents' requirements. For example.

What rules do you live to? Who decides what you're 'meant to do'?