Need advice.

[sarah7681]

Me and my partner have been together 10 years on and off. We have two children one being his step daughter. We very rarely have sex only if we have a night away together which isn’t very often. I don’t initiate it as i don’t think he’s into it that much! He never complements me it’s like we are living as friends. I love him dearly and definitely don’t want to end the relationship. How would you bring this up?

I’ve been in this situation, a lot of friends told me my dh was cheating but he wasn’t, our relationship had just become a bit stale and we were living like roommates rather than partners.

We discussed what we wanted in our marriage and if we wanted to stay together. It was a hard conversation but was needed to know where I stood. We wanted to make it work so started having date nights. It was hard with kids at home but we would make time for each other- even just a take away on the couch, watching a film with no phones around. We also started doing our own hobbies and having our own ‘me time’ away from the family, this gave us something to talk about other than work and children. It gave us a break and made it a little more fun to share the hobby with each other.

It was a lot of effort but it helped us. We now take turns to plan date days/ nights. We make sure we have phone free times a few nights a week, just to make sure we don’t just sit and scroll all night. We also chose to watch a few new tv shows together. Sounds stupid but it was something we could relax to together that was ours.

Honest communication a willingness to try and effort from both of you. Without this it's going to be a problem. My DH is similar to yours, I am the more sexually driven. 30 years we've been together and we've had huge sexual dips which I've really struggled with. When we do have sex it's really good for both of us.

We have a teenager and a DC in primary. It's difficult to find privacy.

As the kids grow and life changes you both need to adapt with it. Within that you need time as a couple to give to each other. You need to discuss, plan and date each other. For me flirting is vital as are hugs and intimacy. Physical touch etc and sex should come with it naturally. If it doesn't then it's decision time do you stay or go.