If you were part of a blended family growing up

[Whatsinthiscrumble]

If you were part of a blended family growing up that involved either your mum or dad leaving the family home & then starting a “second” family with a new partner , what did, and what do you now, think about it?

Or if you were a child in the second family, how did it affect you?

know a couple of people in this situation and the parents seem to play the “we’re one big happy family” act, but I always wonder how the kids actually feel….

Step dad beat my mum up, abused me. They had a baby together, treat her like a princess, I wore literal rags.

He was a monster. He is dead now though. Sadly I don't know where he was buried or cremated so I can't dance on his grave

Surely, just like in "first" families there will be a range of experiences, dictated by the people involved.

Ultimately, the lesson is be careful who you create a child with. Because if that relationship breaks down you can't control what your ex will do next.

As a child in this situation I just got on with it but as others have said looking back I realize how neglected and miserable I was. There was abuse in my case but even the other side of the family with no abuse I realise I was obviously second class. I would never put my children in that situation.

Back in the 70s mum and dad had me. They'd been married before and had older children. Then they div when I was 8. As a child i adored my very much older siblings and never thkught of them as anything other than mysisters and my brothers. No 'step' or 'half' business for me they were my heroes and it was nt until I was growing up that I noticed that not everyone felt the same. Some years back though, I found out there was another sibling born from an earlier relationship on Dad's side. We've gotten to know each other and she is the only one who understands what it is like to be the only child and one of many at the same time. I thank God for her and my brother who only ever calls me his sister.
Being the middle/Bridge when families split can mean being in the middle of no-where, and that's one heck of a lonely place to be.

Its rubbish. Parents convince themselves that blended families are great but for the majority in the long term it’s pants.

I have no relationship with my father’s side of the family as the focus was all on mother and step father side. However once step-father died all of that side of the blend decided they would focus on blood relatives especially when problems with wills arose.

It's always complicated, isn't it? And very much dependent on the individual people and situation.

Sorry to those of you who experienced abuse and neglect in your childhoods

I was a toddler when my parents separated, so I have no memories of them together, which is very painful in some ways, but also means I've never known any different. I definitely remember wanting siblings, and I did acquire step-siblings and then half-siblings when each of my parents started new families. I lived mostly with my mum and stepdad, and I did sometimes struggle with feeling like the odd one out when I was with my dad and stepmum. However, I do have happy memories with my siblings and I'm close to them as adults, so I don't wish my parents had stayed single. The most painful and difficult thing was that my parents were not amicable towards each other - they didn't speak at all and I was painfully aware of my dad and step mum bitching about my mum sometimes. I have always felt strongly that it's in the best interests of the children to stay respectful and amicable if at all possible (I know it's not always). However, better to separate than stay together in an unhappy marriage and make everyone miserable, including the children.

I have two children with my husband and tbh I felt very relieved that our relationship survived long enough to have two children together. My children have each other and hopefully will for the rest of their lives. If I found myself single again for any reason, I wouldn't live with a man again - at least not until my kids had left home. I would definitely want to prioritise my kids and might date when (if) they were with their dad.