Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will I be alone forever?

17 replies

tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:09

Quedtion: Is it common to meet the love of your life when you already have children? Suppose I'm looking for hope (as daft as it sounds). Please tell me your love stories.

Drip feed if interested:
I split up with baby's dad in Feb. We hadn't been getting on and I asked him to leave ( I was naive thinking it would make him change but he left, has never tried to come back and wants to blame me entirely. He's being civil now but has been nasty on various occasions. Baby is not his first priority let's put it that way.

I think he's met someone - I flip flop between caring and not caring. Sleeping soundly and struggling to sleep.
I haven't questioned him because it's not my business but it's made me have this mindset that I will never meet someone and I'll be alone forever. Alone holding the baby so to speak. Did anyone else feel like this and find someone later?

Bit of info people may ask (but will try not bore you)

I split with baby's dad in Feb.
Baby is only 6 month old
He does see the baby but not a great deal
No I don't need to meet anyone anytime soon I'm talking long term
I think I'm an ok catch - work, own my home, drive
I used to get plenty of attention before (Albeit I was younger and slimmer and now I feel ugly, old and fat - I'm 33 😂)

Before anyone comes in with you shouldn't have had a baby with this man etc etc. I don't need that. I can see the situation for what it is and I'm making the best of it. I am trying to enjoy my maternity, what should be the happiest time.
I treat me and baby as a "family" in our own right. We are always out and about all the time, going on holiday with family, uk break hadn't with another single mum friend etc. we go baby groups. Walking. Days off. I'll pack us up in the car and have drives off and wanders around other towns etc. I'm not moping.
Also, I do not palm the baby off - I have him 95% of the time (if I meet friends I go for 5 hours max and drive and home for his bed time... I've don't this three times including a meal tomorrow) - I could get him watched but he is my priority and I'm using this time to focus on him (in case anyone jumps in that i regret having him, i don't al all. It's been hard but I know I'm very lucky to have been blessed with him)

OP posts:
MagicLemon · 19/04/2024 20:13

It's been 2 months? Meant kindly but don't you think it's a bit soon to be thinking about dating again?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/04/2024 20:16

You will find someone but probably not just yet. In the meantime work on yourself.

Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:18

Oh I don't want to meet someone yet 😳
I think I've probably just gone off into over thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:19

I'm probably a bit put out that he's just going off not giving a monkeys. There's nowhere better to be than watching your baby grow, I know that.

OP posts:
Secondstart1001 · 19/04/2024 20:31

Yes I met my Dp when I was 41 with 2 kids and in process of messy divorce and house move. He was my rock from very early on and still is now.
I was 4 years seperated for context and I started online dating and my relationship goal was to be in a fwb kind of arrangement as I didn’t want emotional attachment, just wanted to feel desired and interesting again. I did have that for a while then that ended. I met my dp and on the first date he told me he was dating with the aim of getting married! Lucky I didn’t run a mile!
my only advice to you is sometimes it is easier to meet a man who has kids as they will understand that your child’s needs to come first. Also don’t let him into your life quickly .., I watched DP for 2 years with his kids and spent time with them before he met mine as I wanted to see he was a good dad, not because I want a dad for my kids but because it’s a measure of the kind of person he is. And I don’t let anybody into my kids life, I had to be 100%.

MagicLemon · 19/04/2024 20:32

You may meet someone you may not, I don't think anyone can guarantee either way? I'm still single 7 years later never thought I would be single this long but here we are. No one knows really but just concentrate on your child and think about that down the line.

Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:36

Secondstart1001 · 19/04/2024 20:31

Yes I met my Dp when I was 41 with 2 kids and in process of messy divorce and house move. He was my rock from very early on and still is now.
I was 4 years seperated for context and I started online dating and my relationship goal was to be in a fwb kind of arrangement as I didn’t want emotional attachment, just wanted to feel desired and interesting again. I did have that for a while then that ended. I met my dp and on the first date he told me he was dating with the aim of getting married! Lucky I didn’t run a mile!
my only advice to you is sometimes it is easier to meet a man who has kids as they will understand that your child’s needs to come first. Also don’t let him into your life quickly .., I watched DP for 2 years with his kids and spent time with them before he met mine as I wanted to see he was a good dad, not because I want a dad for my kids but because it’s a measure of the kind of person he is. And I don’t let anybody into my kids life, I had to be 100%.

Ah lovely 🥰

I'm probably coming over as wanting to meet someone tomorrow and I'm not saying that. I don't need a dad for him, he has one of them already. I think I'm just overthinking because I'm feeling down and crap about myself.

It sounds like you're husband is lovely 🥰

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 19/04/2024 20:36

Spend some time without a man. Enjoy your baby. Maybe others won't share the opinion but I wouldn't want to have a new man in my life with a tiny baby or even with a toddler.

Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:37

MagicLemon · 19/04/2024 20:32

You may meet someone you may not, I don't think anyone can guarantee either way? I'm still single 7 years later never thought I would be single this long but here we are. No one knows really but just concentrate on your child and think about that down the line.

I'm sure in a few months when I feel like me again I won't care either way. It shouldn't make me feel worse because he's met someone but it stings. And I don't know why.

I'm sure you'll meet someone in time if that's what you want but I think sometimes it's nice to be single too, I like my own space and lived alone before and it never held me back.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/04/2024 20:39

tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:19

I'm probably a bit put out that he's just going off not giving a monkeys. There's nowhere better to be than watching your baby grow, I know that.

That's what men do my love x

Secondstart1001 · 19/04/2024 20:43

@tighterthancramp no I completely get where you are coming from… it can be quite lonely and a lifestyle change just having a baby but going through a break up too is a lot! So yes just don’t give up hope ..tbh I never thought I’d meet someone either. He’s not my husband yet but we plan to get married in a couple of years. Nothing is every permanent, like true down feeling you have … be kind to yourself xx

Secondstart1001 · 19/04/2024 20:44

Meant nothing is ever permanent like the down feeling you have right now! I’m so rubbish at checking before I post! Xx

JewelledPony · 19/04/2024 20:46

You might be alone for a while. I think the secret is making peace with that. Remember what you love, what excited you. Do those things. Prioritise them. Concentrate on yourself. You might meet someone. You might not. But build a life you love, that’s the key.

Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:48

AlwaysGinPlease · 19/04/2024 20:36

Spend some time without a man. Enjoy your baby. Maybe others won't share the opinion but I wouldn't want to have a new man in my life with a tiny baby or even with a toddler.

No I wouldn't do that. I am enjoying him and as i said earlier, we're a family in our own right. Yes a small family, but we'll be doing all the nice things other families do and spending this time together x

OP posts:
Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:50

Secondstart1001 · 19/04/2024 20:43

@tighterthancramp no I completely get where you are coming from… it can be quite lonely and a lifestyle change just having a baby but going through a break up too is a lot! So yes just don’t give up hope ..tbh I never thought I’d meet someone either. He’s not my husband yet but we plan to get married in a couple of years. Nothing is every permanent, like true down feeling you have … be kind to yourself xx

Yes I'm just overcome with emotions I think. You probably understand because you've sat there on your own feeling crap and like it's never going to end. But you're right. It will pass. Thanks for being so kind xx

OP posts:
Original poster
tighterthancramp · 19/04/2024 20:50

JewelledPony · 19/04/2024 20:46

You might be alone for a while. I think the secret is making peace with that. Remember what you love, what excited you. Do those things. Prioritise them. Concentrate on yourself. You might meet someone. You might not. But build a life you love, that’s the key.

You're right. Thank you xx

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 20/04/2024 17:40

@tighterthancramp ah that's good to hear. Lap up every moment. Ours are all adults now and we are very close but I loved the old days when they were all little 🥰

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread