Hi, I’m 42, married for 15 years, together for 20, have a teenage daughter. I was diagnosed with cancer last summer and have had surgery, chemo etc since with some treatment still to go. I keep thinking about whether my marriage is healthy or not, whether we should be together or not. My husband is fundamentally a good person, he can be a bit judgemental, but we just don’t seem to get on that well. We just seem to constantly get at each other, have different opinions on stuff, I think we have a fair bit of competition/resentment at play too. Both sides. When we get time either just the two of us or when the three of us are on holiday we seem to get along so much better - it’s like the stresses of responsibilities (life!), parenting, life admin etc bring us both down and more likely to argue or get at each other. I sometimes wonder if we’d be better off apart. Then that thought freaks me out! I know there’s no such thing as “normal” but can’t help but ask, is this normal? I have no doubt there are some couples who are the complete opposite of us, but are there some like us too? Any tips for working our way through things? I did suggest couples therapy recently but he said he didn’t think we needed it. We both have therapists for anxiety and depression to some extent anyway. Our sex life is not great - I have a really low libido and obviously cancer got in the way too, though we did DTD a week or so ago and I do enjoy it once we get going. Please help with some words of advice? I think part of my problem is I ruminate on all this, I don’t write anything down (I like to journal through my thoughts usually but would worry about someone reading!) and haven’t spoken to any of my friends. Thanks for reading this far!