Fed up with husband huffing and puffing

[sunglassesonoroff]

Been together over 11 years, and last few years ever since we had kids he’s been so moody.

he puts me on edge as he’s recently in the last year started helping more with the cleaning and cooking which is great (before he did nothing), but the issue is now he has issue and a strong opinion on everything I do when I cook and clean. All of a sudden everything I do is wrong.

when he goes into the kitchen he makes a song and dance of it, huffing and puffing, banging stuff about, shouting “for fuck sake” and “what has she done” as things aren’t left the way he likes it.
its fine for him to leave crap around, but if I happen to do it it’s an issue and it’s making me feel really on edge and upset.
i have tried talking to him but he’s just miserable and says I do stupid things. I don’t put things away properly, which isn’t true as up until he started helping he had no issue. And I still do the majority.

I feel I can’t do anything right and it’s making me feel distant from him and I’m walking on eggshells.

what can I do?

You can leave.

Or, you can stay.

But if you stay, will it be any better in 5 years? 10? How much longer will you wait for a change that may never come?

You can try and nag and plead and beg for him to change I suppose?

It might work, but one thing is for sure, nagging will make you miserable.

It doesn't sound like he likes you very much.

Not sure I'd want to live around someone who treated me like this....

He just looks so angry often now and when I try and talk to him he either says what I said above or he says nothing is wrong. I don’t want to end things but don’t know how to resolve it but I’m fed up of seeing him look annoyed or angry.

Love, you know it's deliberate right?
He likes seeing you walking on eggshells.
It's all about control.

He hasn't suddenly had an ephipony and decided to be a decent man who does his fair share in the home after years doing fuck all. He's doing it now in order to try a different tactic to mentally exhaust you.

I'd bet my ass it's not the only emotionally abusive bullshit he's pulled over the years.

Get out before your children think this is how marriages should look. Partners should be comfortable around one another. Not contemptuous.

He doesn't even like you.
And if youre honest, you don't like him either. That's not a marriage, it's a jail cell. But you have the key to escape. Use it!

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?

The birth of children is also a flashpoint for an abuser to show their true nature.

What Pinkbonbon wrote. You, and in turn your kids, are being abused by this man. Do not further teach your children damaging lessons about relationships by staying with him.

Walking on eggshells is code to my mind for living in fear.

I'd say he doesn't like being a father, and of course it not being acceptable to say so, he's taking it out on you in other ways.

As my father was the same, believe me when I say get rid asap. Men like this don't get better, in fact as the children become teenagers they get worse. Do your children the biggest service you can do them and end it now.

You and your kids are being abused by him, and this abuse will haunt your kids for the rest of their lives.

You have an obligation to get your children out of this toxic environment.

Down tools completely. If you can’t do it properly then leave him to do it all. Turnabout is fair play.

he sounds insufferable. You don’t have to live like this.

Can you imagine him doing that at work and still keeping his job? I would lose respect for him to be honest. He doesn't seem able to behave as a normal human being.

Is he ever calm and relaxed and friendly?

I don’t think men realise how visceral the anxiety is when they strop about like this. They think we should know they are one of the good guys and will never hurt you. 🙄
They underestimate the way the fill the space, the noise, the low level aggression.

If he’s ever ‘nice’, have a chat with him and point it out. Make sure he knows it’s marriage ending.

He thinks of household work as lesser work. Work for the lesser spouse, you.

You are now walking on eggshells and he doesn't care because you are lesser

If you want to stay with him you tell him to fucking grow up. If you can't do that you turn TV up when he is in the kitchen so you can't hear the huffing and banging. Close the door on him. Point out all the stuff he does wrong, want to bang those pans as well sweetheart I don't think they heard you across the road.

You do exactly to him what he is doing to you.

And you roll your eyes and don't let his huffing and puffing bother you.

Or you stay as a doormat stressing that you "might upset the god man"

Did he just magically start doing more cooking or cleaning or did you have to ask?

Do either of you refer to it as him “helping” with the cooking or cleaning or does he acknowledge it as an equal responsibility?

He doesn't like you. & he doesn't respect you either. What are you staying for? Its not as if he's hiding his disdain.

You couldnt pay me to sleep with a man who spoke to me as if I was a nobody, honestly.

That's how my dad's always been around the house. I relate to the eggshell feeling.

he puts me on edge as he’s recently in the last year started helping more with the cleaning and cooking which is great (before he did nothing), but the issue is now he has issue and a strong opinion on everything I do when I cook and clean

He has treated you like a fucking slave for years. You do understand don’t you, that this is punishment for having the audacity to expect him to take on some domestic tasks?

This prick is obviously seething he has to cook an occasional meal. If you have children they should not be subjected to this.

He is emotionally abusing you.

The thing I find most worrying is the tension that your children will be feeling as they will pick up on it and it will cause them to have anxiety all their lives if you stay living like this. You need to sit down with him calmly and tell him he has to change and if he does not then your marriage will be over. You cannot keep living like this as so unhealthy and he is moody because he is doing his share of some household tasks. I would rather be single and bring my children up in a calm home than live with this moody asshole.

Mine used to try and pull this in the early days and it nearly ended our relationship until I found my voice and said stop doing that it upsets me and if you don’t like it do it yourself, and if you don’t stop this I’ll leave you.

Basically he's replaced being a lazy arsehole with being a resentful angry arsehole.

Do you want to spend your life with an arsehole?

Find your voice. Be vocal back. I found once I challenged and stopped accepting the criticism I became even stronger and not walking on eggshells and tell him what is and isn't acceptable. How he responds will be telling