Hello,
I like so many others on mumsnet emerged from an abusive marriage but since then have really ricocheted around and one of the things I’ve done turns out to be very bad.
I reconnected with an old flame and it was very magical. He was just beginning his separation while I was a few years in. We had deep feelings and saw each other tentatively, on and off. Ffwd to now, almost a year later, and I’ve been straightforward ghosted. It’s really disorientated me, and I’m very worried that he’s actually not broken up from his partner at all. It’s not a big city and I feel at once entirely ignored and also very exposed. I’m just not strong enough to be named in someone else’s marriage breakdown, especially not of a couple where I know them both. I feel really hideous inside, guilt and misery, coupled with missing him and feeling conned. He was charming, too charming, I now realise.
To make it worse in the gaps of this I have begun lightly dating a real, newish, nice man, which I didn’t think was that serious. However it’s picked up now and I have realised, partly in contrast to this other fellow, that he is gently and trustworthy and exactly the sort of person I should have a tentative thing with.
I’d like to move forwards with the nice guy now and make it proper, but I’m so worried it will all come to light about the horrible other thing.
Should I confess to someone— everyone?— about the thing with old flame, or just hope it doesn’t come up?
I feel on the one hand like poor me, I’ve just narrowly missed being taken for another ride by a rotter and should be allowed to quietly move forward, and on the other hand like maybe I’ve unwittingly been the longish term other woman in a marriage breakdown and should confess to them all and then try to leave town.
Everyone has kids