hi ( apologise for the very long post)
not sure where to start…
been with my partner for 7 years. 2 children of my own and 1 child together. Partner has 1 child from previous relationship.
At the start we have always been happy, we looked forward to our weekends with our daughter while children at dads and then spent next weekend together as a family.
recently things have started to become toxic. He likes a drink and I would join him with a good drink at the weekend which we used to enjoy, we had a laugh but will always turn into an argument because he completely changes, Starts arguing about everything and anything, eg what have I done wrong! I have to stay nice saying you haven’t done anything wrong, and don’t understand why you are suddenly asking this like it’s a way of starting a row. He says I just do what I want at the weekend and he’s left to sit at home alone… but all I do is take my son to his football match’s, which I agree is Saturday and Sunday, but only for a couple of hours in the morning and he never wants to come. Which is why he’s left at home, he’s now started commenting if I do my tan or anything, one occasion I went bowling with work and came home to him very drunk he demanded to look through my phone as he didn’t trust me, said I have been up to all kinds…. I don’t ever go out may I add. As I love my time with family it just doesn’t faze me anymore,cup of tea with a friend now and again or Xmas works doo, which has always ended with him being nasty, I’m getting to the point now that I don’t even drink in house because I just don’t enjoy it and I’m on egg shells to what mood or argument is going to happen.
I got a loan out for him 2 years ago and he’s used my credit card when he had his own business as he had no credit which made it impossible for him, things came to and end with the business as he just couldn’t stop his obsessive spending and would be leaving himself short all the time with me having to help out all the time. He’s now got a good job and set a payment plan up to pay off what he owes which will take time, but It’s got to the point now where money has been tight recently and he doesn’t pay the correct amount to me for bills and his debt and he’s constantly spending,
I asked to look through his bank as to why he has never got money because it doesn’t add up to me.but he gets really angry about it, and calls me controlling. He does sky bets but not sure how much this is why it’s needs sorting,
just to add the mortgage is in my name, and many occasions I’ve got to the point where it’s the end for me, as I’m emotionally and financially drained by him, but he’s that bad with money that I won’t see a penny of it if he did go. I can’t afford the load or credit card, I’ve had the credit card put on a interest freeze so I have until feb to try and get as much paid off as possible,
I work part time and I was considering selling house to pay off all debts and start again in a smaller house but I feel like I shouldn’t have to go down that road as it’s not my debt…
he gave me his card last month to help him, he admits he is bad with money and then 2 weeks into the month he demands his card back, I tell him no as I’m doing this to help and I get called controlling again and I’m holding back his money,
just don’t know what to do from here now, I would be happy on my own and I’m a strong independent woman as I’ve been through the breakup of my marriage with my eldest two children so that doesn’t worry me at all, but the financial hold does.
also I’ve spoke to him about his drinking and he admits and is very apologetic the next day and agrees to cut down but then starts creeping back again for eg when match is on, or he’s had hard day in work, or suns out, or grass is green, or the wall is pink… I hve to laugh or I would cry đŸ˜¢
he says a few pints here and there shouldn’t matter to me but he’s caused so much anxiety that it impulses me every time I hear the sound of a can opening.