Would you move closer to family?

[southeastlady]

I'm sure it might be a no-brainer but just wanted some confirmation people would do the same as it keeps going round in my head whats for the best

Background; I'm married with a 10 year old child
Living in the South of England

My family used to live about a 25 minute drive from us, then about 6 years ago my brother moved to the Midlands for work. He now has a partner and they've just moved into their lovely £900k house (jealous? moi?)

Two years ago after my Dad died my Mum sold her house and moved up to not far from my brother
We have no family in the town we live in

So, getting to the point; our plan is for our son to finish secondary school down here and move up to where my family is when our son is 16.

In 6 years my Mum will be 72 so will be nice to live only a short drive away from her and my brother instead of the 2hr drive we have now

I know 6 years is ages away but am I right in thinking it seems an obvious choice to move closer to family?

I know I'm over-thinking but the furthest I've ever moved is 12 miles :)

Yes, if I could go back in time I’d move closer to my mum. The questions are really, why wait? Why not move for secondary? Also is it affordable to live there if your db has such an expensive house? Also do you like where you live?

What is driving this potential return to the family fold?.

How well do you know this area?. I would consider visiting it in the depths of winter as well as in summertime and see how you feel about it then. What are schools/colleges/hospitals/dentists etc like there?.

Do you have a social life/friends where you are currently living?.

How is your relationship with your brother?. Is it a good relationship you have?.

How do you and your mother get on?. Again is it a good relationship you have?. Would you end up taking on the bulk of any caring duties by dint of fact you are her daughter?. Is this something you have actually considered?. Your brother could well decide to "opt out" of doing any aspect of caring for his mother because you're around. If family relationships are at all problematic I would maintain a physical distance; a two hours drive is not huge in the great scheme of things.

What would you all do if you relocated?. How does your H feel about this potential move?. How will it affect his job, his life where he is now?. Your son when 16 may well not to want to move because of his friends/social life where he is now. He may at that time decide he wants to go to the local college or 6th form where his friends are.

The reason we are going to wait is that we have to apply for secondary schools in October this year and we wouldn't have moved and have an address up there in time so chances are we would be left with the secondary schools that no one else wanted

Also I am in the emergency services and to be able to transfer you have to be out of your probation which wont be this year for me

I do like where I live but don't really have any ties to the town as such as my family don't live here
In regards to price my brother lives in a big detached house with an electronic gate, we live in a 3-bed semi. We could get the same style house up there for cheaper or if we spent the same as what we get for our house it would probably get a detached

Only real tie is MIL, in 6 years time she will be 81. She lives a 25 minute drive from us now

I was just going to ask about your husband or partners family. Your posts are all about moving to be near your family but what about his? If you move who will be there for his mum? Unfortunately most families are not one sided!

Moving your son at 16 seems like a bad idea. I think you should look to do so in early secondary, or after 18 when he can fledge and decide where to live. Leaving friends and having to make a whole new lot at 16 sounds hard.

Thank you! All excellent points

What is driving this potential return to the family fold?.

How well do you know this area?.
Normally go there every couple of months, been at all different times of the year. I would say it has not much different facilities then where we currently are

Do you have a social life/friends where you are currently living? I have 2 friends here that are mums from my child's primary school, usually chat on Whatsapp and go out maybe a couple of times a year which I could still come down for if we're still in touch after our kids have left school

How is your relationship with your brother?. Is it a good relationship you have? Yes very good I would say

How do you and your mother get on?. Again is it a good relationship you have?. Would you end up taking on the bulk of any caring duties by dint of fact you are her daughter?. Is this something you have actually considered?.
Very good point, of course I wouldn't know how any caring duties would pan out until it came to it, all being well I'll be working full time until my retirement age of 60, my Mum would be 85 then if she was still here, my brother has said Mum will want for nothing but obviously no guarantees

What would you all do if you relocated?
I can get a transfer with my work and my husband is self-employed in the construction industry so can work anywhere really. Yes at 16 of course my son may tell us to bugger off about moving, a bridge to cross and discuss no doubt

My husband has a brother who lives in the same town as MIL, the brother lives about 10 minutes away with his partner so she does have people closer than us location wise

Thank you, I didn't think about 18. I think my thought process was that if we moved at 16 he could go to college/do an apprenticeship and meet people

Both me or my husband haven't met up with anyone we went to secondary school with since we left. I keep in touch with people I've met through work when I've been an adult (we both didnt go to uni)

This is possibly going to sound a bit cold but I have never considered moving house purely to be close to family. I wouldn't do it unless there were other reasons why I wanted to move there.

We have no local family and I am absolutely fine with that, I haven't lived close to family since I left home for university.

I wouldn't want to live thousands of miles from my parents but a couple of hours away works nicely

I think you should go sooner than that, as I agree with pp that it'll be a difficult time for your son to make friends.

He might really being uprooted from his social circle just at the time his mates (& boy/girlfriends) will be central in his life and gaining more independence.

I think you'd be better moving before secondary school, or before the GCSE years, or after 18, when he can decide whether to come or not.

RESENT is the word I missed out.