I have been with my partner for nine years. When we bought a house, he took a massive step back about being a good partner. I spotted lies, controlling ways and treating me like second best. It broke me in a lot of ways. When I got strength to stand up for myself, he begged me not to leave and we went to counselling. I wanted to sell the house (I have majority share) and move on. I stayed as I love him. I also did my own counselling to build myself back up.
He's now a better partner, with much regret for his 'selfishness' (his words) but I fear i've become a bit of a bitch. I think I am resentful. My mental health suffered a lot after what happened in our past, whereas his life wasn't affected. He has a wonderful social circle, mine has gotten smaller when I disappeared into myself in our past.
I'm scared I'm almost manipulative, even though I really don't want to be. I get hot and cold when I see him have success/good times because I feel unhappy in myself. I shake it off and apologise but I never used to be like this. I find it hard to communicate well with him now and end up feeling like the bad guy. I feel guilty and start to think 'oh poor partner, having to put up with me'.
Has anyone been through similar? I might not like how I was treated but I don't wish to punish him through my moods.