In Laws - Uninvited and unannanouced

[Lois]

I answered the door on Monday to find dh's parents standing there. We hadn't invited them. They hadn't said they were coming. But there they were. Over from Ireland until Thursday staying at a local hotel.

Is that normal? In my family we arrange everything to the nth degree so this kind of behaviour is alien to me. They muck in when they're here and ds enjoyed their visit. There was no ulterior motive - they just wanted to see ds. But really what is so witty about not letting us know?

Oh dear, they sound like my family! My grandparents always used to drive up to see us (a 5 hour drive) without warning, but we used to do the same to them! It was always a lovely suprise and that's just the way we are - I do the same to my parents now, and would never be suprised to see any of my family on my doorstep.

Look on the positive side at least your in-laws are staying in a hotel!

I thnik they just wanted to surprise you. I would be somewhat upset if they came expecting to stay at my home. Not because of any reason other then I might of not had my home cleaned for the occasion.

Are you all close? I really wish my inlaws would visit my children. My ds is over 2 and my mother inlaw hasnt even attempted to see him yet. I wouldnt worry much unless they start doing it all the time.

Maybe it is an Irish thing. It is the kind of thing my MIL would do if she thought I wouldn't KILL her for it!!

Lois - like you I would be horrified, quite honestly I don't like anyone turning up unannounced - but I am just one of those people who plans their day & I don't have time when I am 'sitting around waiting for guests' - I am always occupied, even if it is on mumsnet or settling down with a good book and I hate 'surprises' - what if you had been away or with lots of things planned & you just couldn't fit seeing them in? But obviously some people like doing this sort of thing - at least they don't expect you to put them up.

I can imagine how you feel about this. I wouldn't be happy, but it sounds to me like it was meant to be a nice suprise, nothing more. I don't really see too much of a problem, to be honest, although I would definately feel differently if they expected to stay with you. I'd say take advantage of the babysitting and be grateful that your in laws are keen to see their grandson

I suspect the world is divided into two sections on this. Those who are spontaneous, do things on the spur of the moment, so it wouldn't occur to phone ahead, and they love surprises, and those who like to have everything scheduled to the last minute and loathe a surprise! I used to be the former and now I'm the latter, mainly because my house is such a mess nowadays.

As your PILs didn't have any malicious intent, I'd just accept it and hope everyone enjoys each other's company.

If my in-laws ever turned up unannounced I would move house and forget to send them the new address...maybe I'll do that anyway

Becuase my house is right in the centre of the town people have a tendancy to turn up on a whim unannounced. This was fine for a while, but I had to nip it in the bud and insist on peole phoning first. Now if people turn up unannounced I usually don't answer the door...so nurr

At least they organised their own accomodation and have told you their timescale...more than my in laws would ever do for me. However, I agree - a little more warning would be good. Loads of comments like "I wish you had given me more notice as I could have organised a few activities/outings for you and had more time to spend with you.." should give them the hint. If I were you, don?t alter your regular routine at all - do the shopping, kids trips out to swings/toodler groups etc. all as normal and don?t get too stressed out turning it into a big holiday for them. How about seeing it as an opportunity to get in some free babysitting and hand over the kids for a few hours so you can have some time to yourself? If they are so casual about their visit, it is only reasonable that they expect you to respond casually as well. Hope you have let dp/dh know how you feel..... Good Luck

I think it's very English & slightly peculiar to not be able to handle surprise visits.

Probably the Irish side of my American cultural heritage???LOL.

Reading all the postings everyone seems more worried by the state of their house, than happy to see friends / family.

My house is always in a state of organised chaos, but I always assume that people have come to see us rather than to assess my cleaning abilities.

If environmental health turned up unanounced I would be much more worried !

Zebra & whellid, I'll give you a couple of examples why I don't like the 'surprise visit', and it has nothing to do with the state of my house!!!!! A couple of days ago, I was desperately tired after an accumulated lack of sleep, and as soon as I'd put ds down for a nap, I took the phone off the hook, laid down myself and fell asleep straight away. Lo and behold, about 15 minutes later the doorbell rings - I leapt up in a half-dazed state and answered the door. It was my FIL, who had just decided to drop in with old magazines he wanted to give me. A nice thought, but I really don't see why he couldn't have called first... needless to say, that was the end of any rest I was going to get.

Also a couple of years ago dh & I dropped in unannouced on some friends (I wanted to call first but dh wouldn't hear of it), and they were definitely surprised to see us - in fact they were very embarrassed because they have 4 kids and the house was a mess. She started cleaning up right away and I felt really awful for putting them on the spot like that. They are very nice people but she mentioned a couple of times after that how embarrassed they were when we turned up and their house was such a mess.

Spare time is a precious commodity for a lot of people these days, so I don't see what's wrong with giving people a bit of warning before landing on their doorstep.

my dh's uncle, aunite & cousin rang to say they were dropping in on their way back home to Scotland. the house ws a mess (and this was before kids!!) and neither of us were dressed. Anyway I'm frantically hoovering the lounge after having had a shower, the hoover dies, so I'm there shouting at the nozzle in dressing gown and hair in turban, and then I hear the knock on the patio door, and the 3 of them are staring at me...died of embrassment, funnily enough no-one ever mentions this incident

That's so funny helenmc.
We usually don't like unenvited guests, as we always seem to be undressed. We are a bit of a loungey family when at home.
Dh and I used to hang around with no clothes on even before we had the kids, but when we did get visitors, it was usually them that felt embaressed, then !!!!We would get lots of nods and winks, funny how that does not happen these days...

Thank you very much for all your posts. I'm glad to know it's not just be finding hard to cope with unxpected visitors. I think you're right JayTree in saying I shouldn't alter my routine, as I cancelled some outings to fit in with them and felt quite resentful about it. I don't think they appreciate that it puts me in difficult situation as if I didn't cancel anything they wouldn't have seen much of ds.

Anyway, they've gone now and we're back on a even keel.