contemplating splitting up, 20 week baby what will i be entitled to?

[newmummy27]

hi, my husband and i are just not getting on, i am very unhappy, and have postnatal depression. although he gives practical support i dont feel i am getting the emotional support i need, there is no laughter or joy or jokes, it is all very serious in our house. if i were to go it alone how would i cope? at the moment i earn around £17000 per year. we have a mortgage, we have no debt other than the mortgage. i also have enough experience in order to get a better paid job if needs be. any out there help and been in a similar situation? i think i have married the wrong person, i dont feel we are compatible any more. i feel i have grown in person and he is jus the same. we have been together 10 years and i have a lot more life experience than him.

are you getting any help for the PND? I didn't have PND and I felt like splitting from DH for ages after each of my DC were born...it's hard to adjust to life with a child, much more so if you suffer from depression

you may well find you'd be twice as unhappy stuck with a small child without him

there are ways to make relationships happier, but YOU need to be feeling better first

get help with the PND and take things a step at a time...does he know how you feel?

Having a baby is a huge adjustment, espeically if you have been a couple for so long beforehand, and the PND may well be colouring your perceptions. Are you having treatment ? Do try to talk it through with someone impartial before making hasty decisions you may later regret. Entitledto should give you an indication of benefits but you may earn over the amount for IS etc.

yes i am getting help, i am going to a support group tomorrow. i am also on ad's. i am fine in other peoples company, my confidence comes back, then i just dont want to come home. i am embarrassed in his company, he gets very angry. he is very clever, phD and all but we are on totally different wavelenghs. i am more outgoing and friendly. he is very shy and serious. just need to know what my options are

sorry...can't help with your options...sounds like you are in control of the PND though...does DP know what you are considering? would it be worth couples counselling? maybe there are strategies you could adopt that would help draw him out socially if he knew what the impact might be...it does sound like you are quite different but in my experience that can work as long as both parties get out what they need, and sometimes with kids around that needs more working on than before

good luck, hopesyou can get some more practical help

thanks jg. i am trying to hang on to the positives, very hard at times.

I had PND for the first year of DS1 life. I felt the same as you but now I am glad that I did not leave. DS1 is nearly 7 and I can honestly say that I am now very happy. You really need to be fully well before you make any major life changes. PND clouds your judgement tremendously.

In a years time you will (probably) be back to your old self and be able to make a balanced decision about your marriage.