I am having a terrible time dating, I have dated 3 complete arseholes back to back.
First one I met in person and was vile and asked me for a nude when I was in hospital with sepsis 🙈 not 'how are you' it was 'send me a pic babe'. I was going through a really difficult period of my life and would never entertain the behaviour as long as I did (4 months I think) had I been in a normal state of mind.
Second one was a complete Walter Mitty and fabricated his entire life pretty much. Caught him out when he gifted me a fake Rolex he tried to pass off as real.
Recent one said I was the one, could see us getting married, our babies would be cute, he was ready to get married and have babies but his actions never made me feel secure, a lack of real effort and passion. He cheated on a night out and I found out, I cut it off straight away, blocked him from contacting me and will never speak to him again.
I have good friends who would tell me the truth and they all say it's just been a case of bad luck and that they genuinely don't believe that it is me that's causing it. The three men have been completely different first one very successful, good looking age 50, second one not attractive at all and 32 and third one, good looking and 33, I tried to go for the safe and sensible option here after the bad experiences, he was a bit boring but I had just accepted that I was going to be more extrovert in the relationship. I actively sought out someone who wasn't flashy and who seemed very secure in themselves.
Im attractive, I got 9,999 likes on tinder within 48 hours so men find me attractive. I have lots of friends and I really believe I have a good personality, I am kind and thoughtful. I'm successful in my career, established and driven.
In starting to feel really gutted that this isn't working out for me, my close friends are now starting to say that they think the problem is the guys in the apps (tinder and hinge) and that I should make more effort to meet people in person but I thought a huge % of people and marriages were from OLD...
How can one person have such bad luck? I don't feel there is anything wrong in saying that the want that human connection with someone romantically, I do want that. People keep telling me to just be on my own, I don't want to be on my own. I want to meet the right person.
Every other aspect of my life is really good, I'm healthy, I feel in the best shape I have ever been, my kids are happy and healthy, I have a great friendship with my kids dad, financially secure, love my job and good friends.
Just dating is an absolute shit show.
I'm 29 for reference.
Do I just keep doing what I'm doing and hope the last 3 have been bad luck? Do I have to take a break and be by myself although I want to meet someone and have that connection, do I come off the apps?
I'm not sure I can deal with a 4th time disaster of dating.
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Relationships
Should I stay away from the apps
advicesearcher24 · 17/04/2024 23:43
DuckOffAWatersBack · 17/04/2024 23:49
I'm not sure what demographic hinge is but isn't tinder largely known for one night stands rather than long term things? The best free one imo used to be OK cupid but it might not be around now?
Failing that, would you perhaps get a better sort of guy if you paid for a profile? Having said that it might just mean they're richer and not necessarily less arseholey haha.
Howdyhi · 17/04/2024 23:55
I sympathise with you it does sound like you’ve had bad luck I’ve had a number of relationships from online dating from decent blokes that have eventually fizzled out no one’s fault they just didn’t work out I’m 32 so been single now two years the only reason I haven’t gone back on the apps is I just can’t face it and the crap that comes with it there’s always going to be people on these apps for the wrong reasons or to mess people around but that’s not everyone and you could go on to meet someone it’s just sort of weeding through the time wasters don’t give up but if it is affecting you then by all means take a break good luck ☺️
vodkaredbullgirl · 17/04/2024 23:55
Step away from all dating apps, none are worth it.
advicesearcher24 · 17/04/2024 23:57
Thank you 😢 I guess I just wanted to see if from strangers looking at the situation if it looks like it's something that I'm doing or can pin point where it's going wrong. Three short relationships back to back going horribly wrong is a serious amount of bad luck I feel.
Howdyhi · 17/04/2024 23:55
I sympathise with you it does sound like you’ve had bad luck I’ve had a number of relationships from online dating from decent blokes that have eventually fizzled out no one’s fault they just didn’t work out I’m 32 so been single now two years the only reason I haven’t gone back on the apps is I just can’t face it and the crap that comes with it there’s always going to be people on these apps for the wrong reasons or to mess people around but that’s not everyone and you could go on to meet someone it’s just sort of weeding through the time wasters don’t give up but if it is affecting you then by all means take a break good luck ☺️
Usou · 18/04/2024 00:03
Many men won't care about your career, but will value the qualities you mention.
Having kids may make many who want a LTR and their own families think again.
advicesearcher24 · 18/04/2024 00:17
General consensus being resilience is key and just to keep at it on the apps and suffer the small talk til I meet the right one.
Is it desperate to send this message after they first 'hey, how are you?' -
"I can't tell if I like someone until I have met them in person, the small talk of OLD is painful for everyone involved so let me know if you want to meet up person some time"
I can't do weeks and weeks of small talk and waiting for them to eventually ask me out just to meet up and they are stinking or something. Just can't do it 🙈 but IRL I would always wait for guys to approach me.
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advicesearcher24 · 18/04/2024 10:29
What are some suggestions for adult hobbies where I can meet people in real life? I live in a small city with not a great deal happening.
advicesearcher24 · 18/04/2024 10:29
What are some suggestions for adult hobbies where I can meet people in real life? I live in a small city with not a great deal happening.
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