Ig likes

[Alicemon]

What are your views on liking other girls pics on ig? I have noticed my partner liking every single post of this girl i have never heard about. I mentioned to him, I said it makes me uncomfortable him liking other girls pics when they are not his friend. He told me she is just a friend and he doesnt see any harm on liking pics on ig as he feels a like is just a like. I dont believe she is a friend as I never heard of her and she is not friends of any of his friends on ig. This conversation was back a year ago and after that he did stop liking her pics for a month or so and then he went back liking again. I cant stop myself on checking her ig every single week to check if he liked her posts. It makes me so insecure. I dont know if i should mention to him again or not as i will have to say i have been looking at her ig which will be very weird. For context, we have been together for a year and a half, we have a very healthy relationship and he never ever gave me reasons to not trust him… do you think i should talk with him? Or am i just giving social media too much of my time?

he doesnt see any harm

OK, so you said it makes you feel uncomfortable, and he's simply said that that's not a thing. He's totally dismissed your feelings, hasn't he?

Yeah he said he gets what I’m saying, for me if your liking someone else post who’s not your friend it can be interpreted as flirting. But he said he doesn’t see it that way, that a like for him is just a like. If I could go back to the conversation we had I would have not accepted that answer but unfortunately at that time I did. And now it feels weird to bring back the subject again without sounding a stalker….

If I could go back to the conversation we had I would have not accepted that answer

How would you have gone about not accepting it?

I would probably say that it seems we have different opinions on ig likes but it doesn’t change the fact that it makes me feel uncomfortable. And see if we could find a middle ground. The issue here is if we kept on not agreeing with each other the only solution I see is then break up. But we do really have an amazing relationship in real life. And that is why I end my thread asking if I am just giving too much importance to the social media side.

How can anybody tell you how much importance you should put on something? Who tells you how much importance to put on other things, like what food to eat and what to do with your evenings, and what morals and standards you should have? Who's your boss?

Nah I wouldn't stand for this at all. No middle ground really. If it doesn't mean anything he won't mind stopping it will he? And if he's not willing to stop it I'd think he's immature, insecure or up to something - whichever option = waste of time

Why is it so important to him to keep liking her photos when he knows it makes you uncomfortable?

He is showing a serious lack of care for your boundaries and feelings here, which is concerning in itself.

Liking is a bid for attention, and a way of him telling her he likes what he sees. Not acceptable in a relationship.

What are the photos like? If she is an attractive younger women then I think you know what is going on. There is a big difference between liking a women from your works photo of her on holiday with friends or out for a meal with her partner, and some IG babe with bikini photos and glamorous filtered photos.

we have a very healthy relationship and he never ever gave me reasons to not trust him…

Except that you don't have a healthy relationship and you don't trust him.

Presumably, these photos aren't of her fly fishing - a hobby he shares and is passionate about? Or similar.

So you don't trust his motivations, his thoughts or his feelings.

You are checking her Instagram weekly to see whether he has liked her photos, you aren't happy with the way the conversation was (un)resolved last time and you don't feel you can bring it up again. None of which is healthy.

You stated your boundary, which he observed for a few weeks, before resuming the behaviour that you found upsetting. That's not healthy.

He gets more out of looking at/liking her photos than he does from making you feel safe in the relationship. That's not healthy either.

And that is why I end my thread asking if I am just giving too much importance to the social media side

SM is unimportant when it it's people presenting the best sides of their life to cultivate an image.

It's unimportant in that very little of what is presented is probably actually true.

However, this is clearly important to him otherwise he wouldn't be doing it. It's not just 'social media' to him, its part of his life and who he is.

Eg I follow pages, join groups etc on fb but eventually stop reading the pages or unfollow/leave groups because I get bored of it. Yes, it's just social media but it's a reflection of who I am as a person. I have a pretty short attention span, I get easily irritated by nonsense and tire of stuff easily. My relationships have been largely short lived and I've never worked anywhere for more than three years because of this.

So whilst no one would not date me or employ me because of any of these things, it actually reflects an important part of my character/personality.

That is why I wouldn't write it off as 'just social media'.

Red flag. He’s covering himself. Don’t doubt yourself.

As a PP asked, what's the nature of the pictures?

And, as already said, if he thinks it's not that big a deal he could just stop.

It's pretty disrespectful - I'd be thinking about getting rid.