Is anyone in a situationship/FWB and happy with it?

[Situationship101]

Been seeing someone for a few months, would have liked it to progress into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing but it is obvious that's isn't what we are or going to be.
He has a stressful job, works ungodly hours and shift work and is also ambitious so he has basically told me that he can't give me the time I need and that he can't stop me from seeing other people. This was after I complained about not seeing him enough.
I've accepted this now and I'm talking to a few other men. At least he has been straight with me I suppose but it's still shit that he's allowing me to see other people.
Just wondering is anyone in a situationship and happy or are you secretly hoping for more?
I'm at the point where I know it won't be more so I'm not secretly hoping it will become something more serious. There is a strong connection with him in lots of ways and we are very similar so I don't want to cut him off completely either.

[newmenewday]

To be honest, I think if you deep down aren't happy with it, you are just going to get hurt. I'd move on.

[HelloJillll]

If he would prefer you slept with someone else to being in a relationship with you then please protect yourself & get out of this no hope situationship.

[SummerVibes03]

I don't think FWB can ever feel good if you wanted more and they were not interested. Don't waste your time OP. Better to invest the energy into yourself. Best to accept reality and move on.

[PermanentTemporary]

From very direct experience, this sounds like a recipe for you unconsciously sabotaging anything with potential to 'protect' this other situation.

He will feel he has warned you and therefore is free to fall for someone else. That's going to hurt like fuck when it happens.

I'm sorry, I think you need to end it, if you would like to be in an actual relationship.

[PollySolo]

But this doesn’t sound like a FWB at all. You wanted a relatiinship, he didn’t.
successful FWB situations are only when both people want exactly what they’re getting — a friendship/acquaintance that involves sex, with neither person unhappy with the status quo.

Also, your language is very odd. He’s not ‘allowing’ you to do anything. You chose to start seeing him. You’re presumably choosing to still see him, as well as other people?

[PollySolo]

@PermanentTemporary

From very direct experience, this sounds like a recipe for you unconsciously sabotaging anything with potential to 'protect' this other situation.

He will feel he has warned you and therefore is free to fall for someone else. That's going to hurt like fuck when it happens.

I'm sorry, I think you need to end it, if you would like to be in an actual relationship.

And this.

[Situationship101]

Yeah I suppose, I don't want to stop seeing him, I enjoy his company very much and the sex is good , there's a lot of sexual chemistry there and so if I was to lay down the law, so to speak and tell him I want a relationship or nothing , then I might well lose him. I'm not in love with him, and I'm chatting to other men and will go on dates with other men if the situation arises.

He isn't making me a priority as his work very obviously comes first so I've decided he will not be a priority to me either. It may sound silly but I would rather things the way they are now than just never seeing him again.
And I'm not in the category where I'm hoping things will change, I've accepted that he can't or won't give me a relationship.
Another factor is that I'm not on any biological clock timeline or looking to get married . I'm divorced and have a child so I don't want anymore children or to get married again so I think that is also why I'm a bit more tolerant of the situation.

[altmember]

It depends what you want from a relationship, time wise. It's possible that if you're both busy with life and work that you only seeing each other infrequently might work ok. I do think it's a bit odd that he's told you he understands that he can't stop you from seeing other people though, depending on how that conversation unfolded. If he cares about you properly I'm sure he'd prefer you were in an exclusive arrangement. Only exception would be if he wanted a free pass to see other women himself, which doesn't sound to be the case.

Even a fwb or situation ship is a relationship of some kind, it just comes down to how you want to define it. It doesn't have to mean marriage and babies, or even living together or shared finances. Just a commitment to being exclusive is in my mind the lowest.

I don't see any particular issue with him openly admitting he intends to put his work above a relationship, that doesn't have to make a relationship impossible, just that it won't be dominant. In much the same way that you (hopefully) put your child above any relationship.

Do you need to 'see' other men, can you not just see how this one plays out? As it sounds like you get on well together. Almost sounds like you've given him an ultimatum to be honest.

[BananaLambo]

He’s using you for sex. You are convenient. He’s literally encouraging you to see other people. You’re not the one, so I would move on. You’re not going to find what you want out of life with this man.

[MariaLuna]

He has a stressful job, works ungodly hours and shift work and is also ambitious so he has basically told me that he can't give me the time I need and that he can't stop me from seeing other people.

Be thankful he's an honest man.

But if you are looking for more, move on.

[Catandsquirrel]

This doesn't sound a good footing to me. If you're happy to let it pan out, fine but language like 'i would rather carry on like this than lose him altogether ' (to paraphrase) is not the basis of casual, fun FWB.

What he's said is that he doesn't want to prioritise or make things exclusive with you, not that he cannot have a relationship at all, sorry.

He hasn't done anything wrong, but I wouldn't wait around for him to fall for someone at work.

If you want a relationship, throw him back, nicely, and look for someone who wants one with you. Not half measures. This going on in the background will probably serve to spoil any new possibilities that come along by comparison as I think you'll start to put Busy Guy on a pedestal.

[BigPussyEnergy]

I did this for a few months - it veered into relationship territory and I told him so, at which point he freaked out and pretty much said I’d forced him into a relationship, when all I did was redefine what we were doing, as we were behaving like a couple in all respects including spending time with each others DCs.

End result is we’re not together anymore and although I’m happy to meet up as friends because we get on well, and he hasn’t actually hurt me due to being - like your guy - nothing but honest about his intentions, but I won’t be shagging him again, as great as it was. I’ll find someone else for the benefits and stick to being friends with him.

[GreyCarpet]

I've had fwbs that I was genuinely happy with because I didn't want anything more with them or anyone else.

If you are engaging in this situation and want more, you're just allowing yourself to be used. Unfortunately.