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Relationships

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Struggling with feelings of Insecurity & Jealousy

13 replies

PondLurking · 17/04/2024 16:55

Having a rough day after an awkward evening spent with a "friend" and need a head wobble/good vent.

I've known DF (Dear Friend) since high school, as we (myself, DP, and she) are all from the same small town. DF and I kept in touch throughout the years, I actually consider her to be one of my closer friends as we often found ourselves in the same areas over the years (same college, same town post-grad, etc.) and so we spent a considerable amount of time together, or as a trio with her DP.

During those years I was in a Long-term, LDR (5yrs) with someone who wasn't "conventionally" handsome but was intelligent and witty. (Trying to avoid a drip feed.) Her DP is similar. I would consider DF to be a highly attractive woman, and myself as a classical-looking beauty. In fact, it was common for her to bring up how we both had "glow-ups", which I felt was sweet but mostly unimportant. We always got along so well! Never an issue, I always felt I could lean on her with my concerns and vice versa.

Fast forward to now: I moved back to my hometown, reconnected and married my High School Sweetheart, and she ended up in Colorado with her DP.

She was home visiting her parents this past week, so we met up to rekindle the ongoing friendship and she confided that was separated from her DP, citing that they'd 'lost the spark', and I confided in her regarding some non-relevant personal matters. Thought all was well. I left something at her parent's house, and she came over to my apartment last night to return it, so we invited her in for a sit down ... and she immediately dove into how attractive my DP was!

"I find you incredibly handsome", "Never thought you would look this good after high school", etc. On and on while I just sat there, shocked! You could cut the silence in the room with a knife. She took the available seat on the couch next to my DP, effectively splitting us up, and even had the gall to scratch his neck (she was describing something that tickled hers, so obviously the sensation needed an example.)

And the whole time I just thought, "Am I going crazy? She's not really being this bold, is she?"

But of course, it didn't end there. She told us a story about how she went to a golf tournament from the town she & I previously lived in and how she was "the hottest b-tch there without Prada, Gucci, all that name brand stuff" (and at this point I wanted to gag, it reminded me of pick-me girl energy) while following that up with a request for my DP to drive her to the airport today (a four hour round-trip journey), stating that "she was really good company wink wink."

My DP turned her down, I think he could sense the tension, but he's been gentle ever since she left last night so I'm trying to put my big girl panties on and just deal with it. I did tell him that DF pissed me off last night, but that was only after he asked if I was alright as I appeared tense this morning. That was really all we discussed.

I'm 31. She's older than I am. I've never dealt with these issues before, never thought I would be dealing with them now - especially considering how close I thought DF and I were. My Husband is a looker, bless him, but I've never been as upset as I was last night over him getting attention. I could also very well be making a huge ordeal about nothing, but the gut feelings, sadness, and anger I'm experiencing tell me otherwise. I'm actually trying not to cry as I type this!

There were clear indications that she was well-aware of what she was doing, upsetting me. She took a phone call in our living room and stated "Yea, this is the first and probably the last time I'll be invited over to PondLurking's place." With a laugh.

Long story short: Am I just a drama queen with an inflated sense of admiration for her husband, just some crazy jealous spouse who thinks everyone is out to 'get her man', or has DF massively overstepped? Should I bring it up with her, or just cut my losses and move on with my life?

OP posts:
EcoChica1980 · 17/04/2024 17:08

Is she of sound mind? This uninhibited behaviour sounds like she may not be.

Rania78 · 17/04/2024 17:10

Cut her off. Honestly this is an abnormal behavior. What was she trying to prove?
Just give yourself time to calm down, cut her off and move in woth your wonderful husband.
Some women…she was obviously jealous of you and your partner being loved up while she “lost spark with her husband”.

MsDogLady · 17/04/2024 17:26

Wow. Her behavior was appalling.

Go no contact with her, @PondLurking. She was blatantly flirting and is clearly not a friend of your marriage.

theworldie · 17/04/2024 17:35

What a bitch! She sounds insufferable.

Likely she’s jealous and deliberately tried to upset you - thank goodness she lives in Colorado. And she was right about one thing - you won’t be inviting her again!

SheepAndSword · 17/04/2024 17:38

It sounds like she's gone into a frenzy with her relationship breakdown to prove she's still attractive.

She'll be gone soon, thankfully, but I'd cool it with her, perhaps ask her if she's OK as she was acting strangely.

That must have been difficult to sit through though and it was disrespectful.

Emptyheadlock · 17/04/2024 17:39

She's a sly, disrespectful rat.

I wouldn't contact her again.

samestyle · 17/04/2024 17:42

That's the end of the friendship

PondLurking · 17/04/2024 17:43

@EcoChica1980 Genuinely wondering the same thing.

@Rania78 "What was she trying to prove?" This is the question still plaguing me today! My best guess is a desperate need for male validation.

@MsDogLady I think now the initial shock has worn off and this is definitely what I'll be doing. <3

Thanks for the support! Glad I'm not totally off my rocker just yet 😅

OP posts:
samestyle · 17/04/2024 17:44

She's the jealous one, made quite a fool of herself, if she asks tell her otherwise perhaps you both know this is the end of it.

PondLurking · 17/04/2024 17:46

@SheepAndSword It was very, very painful. DP has video called me over my lunch break and let me have a short, good cry with his unwavering support. I'm feeling much better!

OP posts:
SheepAndSword · 17/04/2024 17:50

PondLurking · 17/04/2024 17:46

@SheepAndSword It was very, very painful. DP has video called me over my lunch break and let me have a short, good cry with his unwavering support. I'm feeling much better!

Aw, that's good. No matter what she's going through she shouldn't have behaved in that manner.

DH sounds lovely, he probably found it awkward too!

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 17/04/2024 17:55

Omg.
This happened to me once. My DP escorted my DF out the house.
So hideous.
LTB - and I mean her not him!!!

Summerhillsquare · 17/04/2024 17:56

Presumably she's having some sort of life crisis/breakdown. Leave her be for a bit and see if she comes to her senses..

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