If your husband cheated, did you tell your children when they got older?

[Userman43]

Assuming you split when the kids were young- once they got older did they
a-ask directly what happened? And
b- did you tell them the truth?

[BirthdayRainbow]

We split nine years after he did for a different reason. My son aged 18 asked so I told the truth. The other two now know but I wouldn't have told them at the time and never planned to tell them as I wasn't planning on leaving.

[highlo]

My Dd is only 9 and has already asked me a few times why I split with her dad (she was only 1).

So far I've not told her the truth (the OW now lives with her dad and she stays a couple of nights a month so I don't want any awkwardness/ill feeling for my Dd).

We live in a small town and there was a bit of a scandal when it happened so a lot of people know (long story!). Not sure I can shield her from it forever and I guess at some point I'll feel like I owe her an honest answer?

[Daisytigermay]

I never told my children but ex husband has told the oldest dc she told me and said how strong I was, I’m not sure why he told her and meant I had to support her emotionally after he dropped it on her. I didn’t feel the need for them to know but he took it upon himself to share his mistakes

[TruthorDie]

I intend to if they ask me, they are still young at the moment. I most likely will put the boot in explaining who he cheated with was invited to our wedding by him
and her subsequent terrible behaviour during / after the wedding. Oh and l was pregnant at the wedding. didn’t know any of this when l married him

[MotherMinion]

Slightly different angle here: my dad had affairs.
Mum has never said a bad word about my dad. We just don't talk about it.
I think it was my grandma who let slip later on what happened and an older cousin (because her dad was the same) but I already gathered what had happened.
He married OW who was an absolute bitch from hell and then did same to her and the one after that. Kids everywhere probably.
Saying that, we still talk, me to my parents and my parents to each other and there isn't any bad feeling. We haven't held grudges.

[highlo]

@MotherMinion

Slightly different angle here: my dad had affairs.
Mum has never said a bad word about my dad. We just don't talk about it.
I think it was my grandma who let slip later on what happened and an older cousin (because her dad was the same) but I already gathered what had happened.
He married OW who was an absolute bitch from hell and then did same to her and the one after that. Kids everywhere probably.
Saying that, we still talk, me to my parents and my parents to each other and there isn't any bad feeling. We haven't held grudges.

That's interesting at @MotherMinion

I've made a post about the impact my exHs affair is still having on my DDs life 8 years down the road.
I've not said a bad word about her dad and don't intend to as it don't want her feeling awkward/stuck in the middle.

However, I'm genuinely interested in your view. I get the not wanting to hold a grudge but do you not have ill feeling towards your dad for 1) treating your mum so badly and 2) presumably negatively impacting your childhood as a result to his selfishness.

I'm really close to both my mum & dad but I can't imagine not having an issue with my dad if I knew he'd treated my mum so poorly. Not saying I wouldn't have any contact but i certainly wouldn't be as close to him as I am.

[Sauvblanctime]

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