Can anyone explain this behaviour to me?

[Itsjustmyusername]

This has been going on for years really, but just become a significant problem in the last two years.

DF refuses to do anything that will benefit his health and has become more and more unwell. I don’t want to go into specifics, but he doesn’t take medication that he should, do the exercises that he needs to do. He refuses to attend appointments with professionals that could help him, any appointments he that he does attend, he does not take onboard the advice he is given.

He is currently sulking because an appointment has been made for him and he is furious that we are trying to persuade him to attend.

The problem is that by making himself more ill he needs more care and this is draining for those involved.

Has anybody else experienced anything like this?

How old is he? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to attend appointments or take his meds?

My Dad was the same, he was perfectly rational and sane. After a serious conversation we let him live life as he wanted.

What does he want? There is only so much you can do before you need to set your own boundaries and what is best for you. Your father has the right to decide what he wants even if that's not looking after himself, very difficult situation to be in.

I’m trying not to make this sound harsh OP but in my experience “attention seeking behaviour” can be an appropriate description for someone of any age…. BUT it’s also possible that DF is only too aware of his fragile health and is perhaps scared and is taking the head in the sand approach …. You know his personality and only you can determine which of these options is more apt - could be a combination of both too of course 🤣 This must be worrying and frustrating for the family- look after yourself too x

@itsnotyouagain any attempt to discuss why is met mostly with anger, it’s very frustrating.

@InSpainTheRain thank you, I think that’s where I am now, he is perfectly rational, we can’t force him. It is hard though.

@Playinwithfire thats really helpful thank you. It’s hard to sit by and watch though.

@Secondwifenotsecondbest I hadn’t considered attention seeking, I think you might be on to something, that and control of those around him. It’s hard when I have young children, I feel like there’s another one tbh.

Is he in denial and has convinced himself he doesn't need the interventions? Is he mistrustful of health care, anything from conspiracy theorist to experience of medical errors? Has he given up and abandoned all self care? Is he frightened, either of procedures or the news he may hear from tests? Do the medications cause unpleasant effects? Honestly, there are lots of reasons for this more common than you think behaviour. You know him, do any of those sound likely from other things he says?