Has anyone ended their marriage

[Mothersmith89]

I have felt for a long time ( 2 + years) something isn’t right in my marriage.

Its fine and not unhappy as such but we don’t have sex and I don’t feel I love him as much as I should.

My question is has anyone any stories of how this has gone if they ended their marriage?

my main concerns are hurting him, having regret and money.

we have one son age 7. We have tried couples therapy. He knows how I feel, I’ve been honest.

any advice welcome xxx

I did. It was the hardest choice of my life. My son was 7.

It worked out well for both of us, I felt the strangest combination of relief that we were both no longer pretending, guilt for tearing the family apart, and sadness for us all.

4 years later, we are both remarried. DS is happy, well adjusted and loved by us and his step parents.

Life moves on, and so will you. But be prepared for what you are entering into.

What would you say I need to be prepared for? What were your reasons? Was it mutual? Mine is def my side and not his.

im so scared

I did years ago , it wasn't all plain sailing at all but I knew I had to end it . I just didnt love him or even vaguely like him towards the end ! 2 years later I met someone else , we are so happy together . Stick firm with your decision and co patent as best as you can x

I'm doing it now :) Kids 8 and 5

How’s it going? How do you feel?

Yes. DC were 10 and 12. He claimed to be devastated but oddly enough, moved someone else in within a year. He was an arse at the time and until DC were adults but my life is better without him in it.

I think it's best to have an outline of what happens next, when you end your marriage. I explained how I would spend x amount of time apartment hunting and how he should expect me to move out within a certain timeframe. If nothing else, it's much easier to say "I'm ending the marriage, viewing property tomorrow, and will be gone within the next three weeks" as one compete unit of information which invites less emotionally charged discussion than it is to just say "I'm ending our marriage " and leave it hanging in the air.

Full disclosure, I also gave my ex husband a valium and told him we were going to have an unpleasant conversation, but he had a history of violence and aggression so it seemed sensible.

What counselling did you try? I think the type where you sit and listen to what your partner finds annoying about you just won’t work.

Have you read any Gottman books?

Try Diary of a CEO podcast - find the episode which is the interview with the Gottmans. It’s free and an easy listen - it’s over an hour long interview.

Of course if you want to split up that’s fine too!

I wonder about this too.
I have a husband who I do love, who's an amazing father and a good husband but I don't feel happy. However if I end the marriage I upset my dh (he's oblivious that I'm unhappy), my son and my parents which also wouldn't make me happy.
I can't afford to live on my income (even with dh contributions) and he'd be useless at living alone.
So I feel stuck. Not loving life married but would likely struggle a lot with single life.
Sorry, no advice, just following for advice too.

I did this and it's the best decision I ever made. I had a lovely husband and a nice comfortable
Life but I wasn't in love with him any more. It felt like we were friends living together.

Telling him was awful - he says he knew it was coming but he thought I would leave it until our youngest left college.

I have a partner now who i am very much in love with and I feel much stronger than I remember ever feeling about my husband if I'm honest.

I'm so much happier with myself and my life now.

Do it x x

Following with interest.

Op - have you thought about how child access will work and how you will feel on the days you don’t see your child? Sorry not trying to be antagonistic, it’s just that part I struggle with the most personally speaking.