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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family stuff and drama

12 replies

Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 14:22

I have a few siblings. One brother is settled abroad for over a decade and he has a wife and child. Let's call my brother and wife A and B for this. Another brother, I will call him Z for this.

Z was at home for years and he was in a bad patch at home without work for a few years.

A and B invited him to where they are. A and B set Z up. They gave him a room in their back yard, charged him rent and sold him a car that they were finished with.

A few short years after Zs departure and some things developed between Z and B.

B wasn't happy with the length of time that Z stayed in their back yard. B wasn't happy when A and Z enjoyed some drinks together. Drips and draps came out on phone calls from Z to our mother. Bad made things difficult for Z when all A wanted to do was help his brother. There was a week where B announced an increase in Zs rent without any notice. He was paying 300$ a week and it was increased to 400$ a week.

Z had to move. He found a place to rent.
B is now claiming damage to some of her property mainly her Garden from when Z was there. B is demanding for money out from Z. The damage is from an engine leak onto grass. B is withholding some of Zs things as ransom for money.

Now, what is happening at home is Mother-in-law terrority with my mother furious at B for giving Z a hard time. Not only furious but pure distain.
I advised my mother that this is all between them and there's no need for an extra layer of rubbish from this side. I have an opinion that whatever it is, it will be sorted and ironed out eventually between them all but now my mother knows about it there will be no give and take and no going back on any of this with my mother. She will be like a dog with a bone to pick.

I always liked my sister in law too. I always found her to be down to earth and organic.

OP posts:
Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 14:26

Also all of my mother's hate is directed towards B and not at A and B.

OP posts:
Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 14:34

My mother is also angry because she thinks brother Z should have been provided with free board instead of being charged rent.

All of my mother's critisms instead of leaving it about the dispute that's happening between Z and A and B - her energies was directed at every angle about B - her looks, age, job and parenting amongst more - and I think that was a different terrority and uncalled for.

OP posts:
Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 18:13

Anyone?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 16/04/2024 18:22

What is your question? None of this is any of your business, just stay out of it. And do should mum!

Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 18:31

I want to stay out from it. I don't want to be anywhere next or near this or involved in any of this. My mother is burning the ears off me with her hate against my SIL.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 16/04/2024 18:34

No idea why the first poster has been so hostile, OP. You sound lovely and thoughtful empathising with your SIL and it certainly sounds as though she has legitimate grievances. But I guess your immediate problem is how to handle this with your mum. Does she know you disagree with her on this?

LittleGreenDragons · 16/04/2024 18:50

Is B the wife? She sounds jealous over the brothers relationship and tried to sabotage it by increasing rent and withholding possessions. Why hasn't A (assume this is the brother ) said anything to B, his wife? It's his house too.

However I agree with pp. Stay out of this, and try and get your mother to stop stirring too.

EDIT - It might not be jealousy tbf. It could be marital problems and the wife is taking it out on Z. Either way, the married brother needs to grow a spine.

Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 18:50

heldinadream · 16/04/2024 18:34

No idea why the first poster has been so hostile, OP. You sound lovely and thoughtful empathising with your SIL and it certainly sounds as though she has legitimate grievances. But I guess your immediate problem is how to handle this with your mum. Does she know you disagree with her on this?

I don't know what's happening between them abroad. It does sound as if she has some genuine grievances and she likely only wants to talk to my brother Z and get them to reach and agreement. I don't know. She's currently withholding some of Zs belongings in exchange for money and I think that's what's annoying Z. I think maybe the costs she might be asking for is too much for what's involved too. I don't know.

36 hours ofy mother spitting hate and vowing to make life difficult for B when they get back here again. Vowing to never welcome her again. Announcing angrily that A should get rid of her and leave her. All of this. My mothers reaction is too harsh and intense and over the top and just pure hate for B. I don't think she liked B anyways even though B never was bad before this. It's just mother-son-wife triangle hate stuff and now she has more of a reason to truly hate-hate-hate-hate.

I'm not allowed to disagree and she doesn't want me being nice to B. Over the past weekend my mother became delusional with her tales to me about B too. My mother is behaving as if B is the worst human to ever walk the plant. Worse than Hitler and Putin put together.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 16/04/2024 18:59

Do you live with your mum? Do you work? Because never mind the rest of them your relationship with your mum sounds dodgy. Can you move out? It can't be healthy for you having to listen to her spewing hate all the time.

Pinkpro · 16/04/2024 20:42

heldinadream · 16/04/2024 18:59

Do you live with your mum? Do you work? Because never mind the rest of them your relationship with your mum sounds dodgy. Can you move out? It can't be healthy for you having to listen to her spewing hate all the time.

I do work and sometimes it can be long and hard but I can't afford to rent. There's also very few rental properties in my area. I live with her. She's not always like this. She turned delusional over the past few days since hearing of the dispute amongst the family abroad. I think she was someone who didn't like my SIL just for the very reason of being involved with her son. She was only looking for a reason to hate and now she has it. She's not able to think straight at all. On any of this. All the blame and hate is directed to me and my ears and it's all about B. She took every aspect of Bs life and insulted and cristised it all instead of just leaving it about the dispute that's happening between them. She cannot see that there's a middle man in between B and Z and that's A. A could probably intervene and fix all of this and all her hate is directed at B and B only. She's told herself so many stories about B controlling A in many different ways.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 17/04/2024 04:37

Could you get a house share? Seriously you need to get away from your mum and start making your own life properly and not having to be around this toxicity all the time.

Josette77 · 17/04/2024 06:03

I think it's time to move out.

For now though just tell her you aren't going to listen. Go to your room or go out. Tell her you won't be part of this

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