Partner going back to ex

[SuzieQISeeYou]

My partner and his ex were together for around 11 years. She fell pregnant and they split before she even found out she was pregnant. He did go round most days to help out when the little one was born but he said (and going by texts between them at the time) that is all it was. Also, I saw the messages between them and he was the one who broke the relationship off, despite her wanting to continue.

We got together when his little one was 4 months old (Aug 22). Him and ex didn't really have much contact, any pick ups and drops offs of the little one was done via the childminder. They've done the odd in person handover but due to the working arrangements of the mum, the childminders is the easiest place for him to collect/drop off. Besides they didn't get along at all and he/they preferred that contact was done this way as they just couldn't see eye to eye, and it was much more peaceful this way. However the past couple of months, they've been doing more direct handovers of the little one, as mum changed her working pattern and he was able to keep the little one after the childminder had finished and then hand over.

I fell pregnant a year ago and gave birth to our little one in February just past. We've moved in together, we moved in last summer, and things are going great, we've built a lovely life together. Or so I thought. He has just, last night, told me that him and his ex are going to give it another go. I'm absolutely devastated. I was with my ex for 16 years and we had difficulties getting pregnant, I thought I was infertile, so our little one was a complete surprise. I don't think he's been cheating with her as he works from home and doesn't leave the house that much, apart from handovers, he isn't gone long enough to be cheating! He doesn't seem to be struggling with fatherhood to our little one, in fact, he's great with the baby.

I don't even know what kind of advice I'm asking for here to he honest. I'm too embarrassed to speak to anyone in real life and if he does change his mind and stay with us, then it'll be out there.

You're so much better off without him yo-yo'ing between you both. You deserve to be somebody's FIRST choice.

if he does change his mind and stay with us

Why the hell would you even consider taking him back after he's done this? Get rid of him completely. Walk away and don't look back, honestly. He sounds very messed up and immature when it comes to love. It also sounds like he wants you both to fight over him.

Oh my goodness.

What a shock for you. I'm really sorry. After you've just had a baby. Amazing. What a prize berk he is.

I bet he will yo-yo between you both for years.

For the sake of your sanity, despite your horrible heartbreak and shock, please put a firm boundary of no return on your ex.

I hope he gets a vasectomy too.

And he clearly has found the time to be cheating.

They always always find the time.

That's awful.
But surely you and he got together when his first baby was very, very young, and you got pregnant really soon after that.

I wouldn't take him back if he changed his mind again. Just make sure you get child support from him.

And OP - I think he was very likely sleeping with the previous woman at the same time as you. You need an STI check.

Why were you reading all his text messages, anyway?

What a ficking bastard.

Oh gosh op. There are no words.

Do NOT let him yoyo between you. That's actually probably what he wants by the way. 2 women fighting over him.

Find the strength to say 'As angry as I am at you, I hope we can coparent well for our child. But know this, we are over now. I'm not interested in a man yoyo-ing between me and another woman. If I'm not your only choice then I'm not A choice. I suggest we have family do pick ups and drop offs where possible moving forwards'.

He will likely 'but...' and look as if he's just being kicked in the dick. But don't fall for any 'take backsies'. He made his choice. You make yours and stick to it. Choose you.

All sorts is going through my head. Was I just a rebound shag after his ex and he felt like he had to stick it out with me because I got pregnant. I thought he loved me but now I don't know. I've just had our baby 2 months ago.

They didn't get on first time round. They still won't. He'll come to you saying it was a mistake. Don't have any of it.

I'm sorry this has happened OP.

Totally agree with pp, exs are exs for a reason. He'll will lose the rose tinted glasses and try to come back.

You know I suspect he just doesn't want to be around a newborn baby. Think about it, he left her just before she had one...he's leaving you just after. Probably sees babies as women work and doesn't want the responsibility?

He has clearly been cheating on you as it’s not like they randomly had a conversation last week suggesting they try again!

This has been going on a while and for what it is worth I think ye is a disgusting scum bag.

I hope his new relationship falls to pieces and that she cheats on him!

In the long term, this is better for both of you.

Please work on boosting your self-esteem and making better choices.

Getting involved with someone who has recently become a parent and hasn't fully embraced parenting and coparenting was a terrible decision for both parties.

He should have prioritized his child rather than entering a new relationship. It was too early for both of you.

He wasn't someone worth pursuing, especially not someone to move in with or have a child with.

Be more attentive to warning signs in the future.

You've committed to a lifelong connection with him now.

Raise your standards and prioritize self-love.
I'm sorry this has happened.

Unfortunately and as harsh as it may sound I am afraid that is probably a yes.

Please don't get into the "pick me" fight.

I don't believe they are just going to try to give it another go without already having cheated either. You are worth more than that. Tell him to go now and do tell someone in real life whether family or a friend to help you through this.

You got together and got pregnant very quickly (within the first 8-9 months if my calculations are correct). It’s likely he wasn’t over his last relationship at that point. As a pp said, perhaps he just isn’t a fan of small babies. He will be back. He left her for a reason and at the minute he can’t remember what it is, but he will. I just hope that by that point you will have moved on.

Please don't take him back OP he will no doubt try when the wheels fall off. He is just a total flake with no integrity. Leaving 2 women, both with tiny babies, really is dishonourable behaviour.
I'm not sure why on earth you got with him when his first child was only a few months old, although l expect he spun you a tale of woe about the relationship. As pps have said, he's obviously been cheating on you, he really has no shame!

.The thing is, he's great with babies, better than me in fact. He loves his child with his ex as well, is a great dad

OP - "great dads" do not abandon the mothers of the babies they create.

He's not a great dad. He's a terrible dad of the worst sort. It drives me made when women assert that their dreadful partner is a great dad.

No! What he's doing is teaching his sons this is how you treat the mother(s) of your children and teaching his daughters that this is how they should expect to be treated. Basically the most important lessons a man can give his chidren.

Awful, awful man, don't even think about having him back.

100% this

What an absolute bell end he sounds, she's welcome to him!

It sounds that he was never over his XW when he hooked up with you. Very immature. Wave him off with a sigh of relief.

Its easy to be a dad if you don't have to do it 24/7. Even if he has his baby half the time, which I doubt... it's an entirely different thing to all the time. Plus he's conveniently had another woman to help.

The world is full of Disney dads who everyone seems to think are great.

Wow I'm so sorry 😞. This is sad...take heart🤗