I'm actually escaping, and it's really going to happen!!!

[chocyholic]

I've taken the plunge, finally, after dithering for 4 years, should I go, should I stay, which is the worst damage to the dcs, etc etc (some of you kindly listened at a bad patch last summer).
Well I finally decided, enough was enough. Dh started on ds and was really losing it, screaming into his face, pushing him. Ds (aged 12) shot me this look, terrified, upset, the kind of look "why don't you do something?" and that was it, really. I've kept that look in my mind whenever I lose faith in myself. I told dh that that was it, I put the house on the market, and I found a buyer within a week, and I found a house I could actually afford in a nice place . A shoebox, admittedly, but a nice shoebox! I've got a solicitor and she's great. I should be divorced in 3 months.

Well, I told the DCs and they both just accepted it. After all my worrying, dd (17) said she could see it coming, and it will be better when we move, and ds said he wanted to move there that day.

I'm sure I'm not out of the woods yet. DH still refuses to leave & was on at me yesterday, saying it was all in my head, that I was just sulking and I would get over it. Arrgghh!

But I'm nearly there. And it feels really good.

Good for you, well done

well done chocy, you sound like you are absolutely doing the best thing for yourself and your dc. All the very best to you in the future x

The question is, why did I listen to him all these years? 20 years of being told that it's all in my head, that it's all my fault for being over sensitive. I feel like I've only just woken up.

chocy - the fact is you're doing it. good on you!

and your poor ds. at least he won't have to put up with it now if he doesn't want to. he's at that age now where he won't have to visit his dad if he doesn't want to.

no, the solicitor said that he won't have to visit dh if he doesnt want to. I just hope it hasn't done lasting damage to ds. He seems OK now. He'll be round the corner from his two best friends when we move. Kids do recover from this kind of thing, don't they?

Absolutely well done!! xx

I wish I'd gone to the solicitor earlier. I didn't leave at first because I worried that dh would get overnight visiting rights and I wouldn't be around to protect ds.

Because you loved him and trusted him and you believe people close to you. If a friend was saying, it's all in your head..... you would take that on board and appreciate her advice. It means you are a decent person that wants to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Your post sounds so brave, i admire you for your guts. I hope you keep on top of the positivity and find a new lease of life. Good luck with all the crap that comes with spitting up. Remember you are doing the right thing if he hurts your child and don't fall for the manipulation that will now follow.

choc it sounds like you have made your sanity a priority.

That is NEVER a mistake.

I wish you and your family the best of luck in the coming months

Well done choc, this is really really good news!

Hopefully your posts might also help some other MNers to get the strength to make the break from distructive damaging relationships.

I wish you all the best. I've been there too. Your DS will be fine.

Kids definitely do get over it Chocy. Being secure in the love of the other parent who was able to prioritise their needs is a huge part of that. You're doing exactly what he needs you to do to help him (and you) get over it. Bloody well done. Enjoy your new life - you all deserve it.

Well done!!

Squiggly is right, your kids will definately get over it and they will also know that you priorotise their needs. Well done.

thanks, all. But I don't think I've done anything particularly brave, it all just sort of fell into place once I had decided. Like it was just meant to be, somehow.

Well done! That must be such a releif.

Well done - if your kids are happy then you know you have done the right thing.

Don't wish to rain on your parade - I think you've been so strong - but is your husband going to refuse to sign the contract and transfer when the time comes, to stop the house being sold?

If you think there's any chance of this happening, speak to you solicitor now.

Good luck with the move!

Good for you chocolatey cousin. The future will be much brighter now I'm sure.

seabright - it's entirely possible he will refuse to sign. He keeps saying that he'll find somewhere else to live since October last year, but hasn't done anything about it. I'm not sure that he's being malicious, just bladdy useless tbh! Although he is a master at playing mind games with me. I'm seeing the solicitor again this week - I'll tell her. She seems very confident that we can do it.