I’m currently pregnant with my first daughter after having two beautiful sons. I suddenly feel this huge weight and worry about my relationship with her as she grows up and I worry she will feel the same way about me as I feel about my own mother.
I have a very troubled relationship with my mum who has BPD. She’s extremely emotionally immature and I was basically left to raise myself once I reached a certain age. She’s very emotionally reactive and negative so I have to limit contact with her. I mostly do not enjoy spending time with her as I always feel on edge around her and feel emotionally drained after being around her. I don’t like her as a person and if she wasn’t my mother I would be relieved to never have to deal with her again.
I guess I feel that daughters either look up to their mothers and want to be like them or they don’t like them very much and want to be nothing like them. So that’s left me feeling so much pressure. I had similar worries with my sons and take the role of being a mother very seriously and make sure I give them all the love and support I always wanted and needed. I suppose because I felt so let down myself and I know the impact it can have even in adulthood I’m just scared I’ll mess it up (and them). It just feels like an even bigger weight because I know how difficult mother and daughter relationships can be and I don’t want my daughter to grow up feeling the way I do.
Has anyone else felt like this when having a daughter? I know it’s probably pregnancy hormones too but it’s really be weighing on my mind the last few weeks.