sorry for such a long post Please be kind I know this is a very messed up situation 😔
I met my partner when I was 14 had my first child at 15 we were young but with the support from both family’s we got through it we then had another child 5 years later and I’ve always done my very best for my babies and always will.
we broke up when I was pregnant for my 2nd child I got through it which wasent nice but after the baby was born he hounded me told me how bad he messed up all the same old shit and we ended up getting back together
a year or so down the line I think the guilt got to him so bad he started to become very paranoid accusing me of things which I hadn't done nothing I could say or do could prove him wrong and he started to get violent.
it got to the point where I stopped doing things with friends & family and I was just with my children 24/7 (which of course I loved) but I was very isolated still am to this day.
As time went on I just put up with his shit he also started to drink and take drugs always outside of my home but would come back and be very horrible to me.
That lasted a few years until i found the courage to ring the police after getting an injunction he still would come to try and cause trouble so he ended up going to jail (he done some nasty things which I will never forget)
He wrote to me whilst in jail promising to change and that he was very sorry for everything, everything is his fault and he was getting the help he needed
once he got released he got a little place of his own and we decided to try and make things work but live separately because I was very messed up with what he put me through.
Things were ok for a few years but then of course the drink drugs and paranoia started to kick in again and I ended up having horrible abusive phone calls everyday. So I stepped back but I was also frightened to totally end it because of his actions. When he was sober I’d beg him to get help he would agree and then just her pissed again.
he’s always been in our children’s lives but he’s never been a great father i do everything for them which is what I love and what keeps me going. He hasent paid for the children for many years and still dosent even tho he gets enough money.
he is on the booze really bad at the moment and probably drugs too I’ve distance myself from it and have just been begging him to go to rehab.
ive recently found out that he’s been sleeping with someone else!
which deep down I know is the best thing that he could do and I know it is a blessing
but WHY do I feel so heartbroken?
I can’t eat or sleep or even think straight atm and i feel like I’ve lost a huge part of my life even tho it has been so toxic for many years.
our children are growing up now and things for me are easy
im not quite sure what answers I’m looking for right now mabey some strength
please be kind I know I’ve been very stupid for putting up with his shit xx