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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage is an absolute shambles

3 replies

stargazer24 · 14/04/2024 22:46

I've been with my dh 15 years, married for 10. We were great. During pregnancy with second child he went completely off sex, to the point where I felt like a pest and eventually stopped trying. I thought once child was born we would get back to how we were however that never happened. After second child dh had the snip and since then, which was 7 years ago, we've hardly been intimate and when we were on the rare occasion, it was always instigated by me. It's been about 2 years now since we last had sex because Ive given up trying. He doesn't show any physical affection anymore at all. He won't hold my hand, cuddle up in bed, kiss or hug me. He doesn't even sit next to me on the sofa at night. I feel so rejected and confused. On the one hand he's always comparing us to his friends relationships and saying how good we are together but then this is what we've become. I've spoken to him about it in the past but nothing changes. I'm gutted because I love him, he's a great dad and other than this we're good together but I feel like I can't spend the rest of life in a marriage like this.

OP posts:
Takethat4 · 14/04/2024 23:35

Personally I think you need to emotionally detach from him
Carry on with life like he isn’t a part of it.
Lean back into your own space which will allow him to lean in.
I mean literally shift all your energy you’re pouring into him, wondering what’s wrong with him and pour it into yourself.
I believe it’s the last resort to save your marriage.
I think you’ve spoken to him and it’s fallen on deaf ears. I think he’ll change once he see’s and feels your energy change.
New hair, nails , clothes to make you feel good without asking him if he’s noticed.
Be obsessed with yourself and your children.

Takethat4 · 14/04/2024 23:37

Next time you’re on sofa apart - get up and go file your nails in the bedroom. Create space for him to ponder, just see if something like this works.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/04/2024 23:40

When he compares you to his friends relationships be very upfront with him: frankly their relationships seem much better than ours and I wish we had their warmth/were as affectionate/as connected. I’m starving in this relationship.

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